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| The 2020 Democrats Were Told to Give a Gift or Ask Forgiveness. Guess What the Women Chose. | The 2020 Democrats Were Told to Give a Gift or Ask Forgiveness. Guess What the Women Chose. |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| It was the last question of the Democratic debate on Thursday, and the candidates were thrown a curveball. They could give a “gift” to someone else onstage. Or, in the “spirit of the season,” they could ask for forgiveness. | It was the last question of the Democratic debate on Thursday, and the candidates were thrown a curveball. They could give a “gift” to someone else onstage. Or, in the “spirit of the season,” they could ask for forgiveness. |
| The men chose to give: an appreciation for teamwork, for example (Tom Steyer), a different vision for the future (Bernie Sanders), a copy of a book (Mr. Sanders and Andrew Yang). | The men chose to give: an appreciation for teamwork, for example (Tom Steyer), a different vision for the future (Bernie Sanders), a copy of a book (Mr. Sanders and Andrew Yang). |
| The women chose to seek forgiveness: for being too forceful. Too passionate. Too much. | The women chose to seek forgiveness: for being too forceful. Too passionate. Too much. |
| “I know that sometimes I get really worked up, and sometimes I get a little hot,” Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts said. She didn’t “really mean to,” she said. It was just that she heard so many voters’ painful stories every day. | “I know that sometimes I get really worked up, and sometimes I get a little hot,” Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts said. She didn’t “really mean to,” she said. It was just that she heard so many voters’ painful stories every day. |
| WARREN: I will ask for forgiveness. I know that sometimes I get really worked up. And sometimes I get a little hot. I don’t really mean to. What happens is when you do 100,000 selfies with people, you hear enough stories about people who are really down to their last moments. I met someone just last week in Nevada who said that he has diabetes, and that he has access to a prescription because he’s a veteran, but his sister has diabetes and his daughter has diabetes and they simply can’t afford insulin. So the three of them spend all of their time figuring out how to stretch one insulin prescription among three people. When I think about what we could do if we get a majority in the House, a majority in the Senate, and get back the White House, we could make this country work for people like that man. And that’s why I’m in this fight. | WARREN: I will ask for forgiveness. I know that sometimes I get really worked up. And sometimes I get a little hot. I don’t really mean to. What happens is when you do 100,000 selfies with people, you hear enough stories about people who are really down to their last moments. I met someone just last week in Nevada who said that he has diabetes, and that he has access to a prescription because he’s a veteran, but his sister has diabetes and his daughter has diabetes and they simply can’t afford insulin. So the three of them spend all of their time figuring out how to stretch one insulin prescription among three people. When I think about what we could do if we get a majority in the House, a majority in the Senate, and get back the White House, we could make this country work for people like that man. And that’s why I’m in this fight. |
| Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota, for her part, wanted to “ask for forgiveness any time any of you get mad at me.” She could be “blunt,” she said. “But I am doing this because I think it is so important to pick the right candidate here.” | Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota, for her part, wanted to “ask for forgiveness any time any of you get mad at me.” She could be “blunt,” she said. “But I am doing this because I think it is so important to pick the right candidate here.” |
| KLOBUCHAR: Well, I would ask for forgiveness any time any of you get mad at me. I can be blunt. But I am doing this because I think it is so important to pick the right candidate here. I do. I think when you see what’s going on around the country, yes, it’s the economic check that Elizabeth and Bernie have so well pointed out on this stage, but there’s something else going on here, and it is a decency check. It is a values check. It is a patriotism check. When you see people, and we’ve all had this happen, that come to our meetings and say, “You know, yeah, I voted for Donald Trump, but I don’t want to do it again, because I want my kids to be able to watch the president on TV and not mute the TV” — we have to remember as Democrats, and if I get worked up about this, it’s because I believe it so much in my heart that we have to bring people with us and not shut them out. That is the gift we can give America in this election. | KLOBUCHAR: Well, I would ask for forgiveness any time any of you get mad at me. I can be blunt. But I am doing this because I think it is so important to pick the right candidate here. I do. I think when you see what’s going on around the country, yes, it’s the economic check that Elizabeth and Bernie have so well pointed out on this stage, but there’s something else going on here, and it is a decency check. It is a values check. It is a patriotism check. When you see people, and we’ve all had this happen, that come to our meetings and say, “You know, yeah, I voted for Donald Trump, but I don’t want to do it again, because I want my kids to be able to watch the president on TV and not mute the TV” — we have to remember as Democrats, and if I get worked up about this, it’s because I believe it so much in my heart that we have to bring people with us and not shut them out. That is the gift we can give America in this election. |
| These responses, in the final minutes of a two-and-a-half-hour debate, threw into stark relief a dynamic that is not often so visible. Many women feel a sense of obligation, reinforced by daily double standards, to apologize for taking up space. Physical space. Political space. Rhetorical space. | These responses, in the final minutes of a two-and-a-half-hour debate, threw into stark relief a dynamic that is not often so visible. Many women feel a sense of obligation, reinforced by daily double standards, to apologize for taking up space. Physical space. Political space. Rhetorical space. |
| Ms. Warren is from the progressive wing of the Democratic Party, and Ms. Klobuchar from the more moderate wing. They often disagree on policy and strategy. But when it came to this choice, their instincts were alike: not only to apologize, but to apologize for the same thing. | Ms. Warren is from the progressive wing of the Democratic Party, and Ms. Klobuchar from the more moderate wing. They often disagree on policy and strategy. But when it came to this choice, their instincts were alike: not only to apologize, but to apologize for the same thing. |
| It was one of those moments, as Rebecca Solnit wrote in her 2008 essay “Men Explain Things to Me,” in which “forces that are usually so sneaky and hard to point out slither out of the grass and are as obvious as, say, an anaconda that’s eaten a cow.” | It was one of those moments, as Rebecca Solnit wrote in her 2008 essay “Men Explain Things to Me,” in which “forces that are usually so sneaky and hard to point out slither out of the grass and are as obvious as, say, an anaconda that’s eaten a cow.” |
| Amanda Hunter, research and communications director at the Barbara Lee Family Foundation, which supports women in politics, said in an interview on Friday that the exchange had highlighted not only political double standards, but also the pressure that ordinary women face to avoid being perceived as angry or unlikable. | Amanda Hunter, research and communications director at the Barbara Lee Family Foundation, which supports women in politics, said in an interview on Friday that the exchange had highlighted not only political double standards, but also the pressure that ordinary women face to avoid being perceived as angry or unlikable. |
| “We know that voters react to every aspect of a woman’s presentation style, including her demeanor and her tone of voice,” Ms. Hunter said. “It makes sense that women would have to cover their bases and walk that line when it comes to that question, and men don’t have that same burden.” | “We know that voters react to every aspect of a woman’s presentation style, including her demeanor and her tone of voice,” Ms. Hunter said. “It makes sense that women would have to cover their bases and walk that line when it comes to that question, and men don’t have that same burden.” |
| “These are all things we talk about and we know,” she added, “but what was so unique about last night was it played out so starkly in front of America.” | “These are all things we talk about and we know,” she added, “but what was so unique about last night was it played out so starkly in front of America.” |
| It was not the only time during the debate that gender seemed to be an undertone — or, occasionally, an overtone. | It was not the only time during the debate that gender seemed to be an undertone — or, occasionally, an overtone. |
| Throughout the evening, commentators on gender and politics, including Kelly Dittmar from Rutgers University’s Center for American Women and Politics, tweeted about, for example, the pressure Ms. Warren received to explain how she would pay for a “Medicare for all” plan and respond to experts’ criticism of her wealth tax. That pressure was disproportionate to what Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who has also proposed “Medicare for all” and a wealth tax, received. | Throughout the evening, commentators on gender and politics, including Kelly Dittmar from Rutgers University’s Center for American Women and Politics, tweeted about, for example, the pressure Ms. Warren received to explain how she would pay for a “Medicare for all” plan and respond to experts’ criticism of her wealth tax. That pressure was disproportionate to what Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who has also proposed “Medicare for all” and a wealth tax, received. |
| And, of course, there was the point when a moderator prefaced a question to Ms. Warren by saying she would be the oldest president ever inaugurated, to which Ms. Warren responded, “I would also be the youngest woman ever inaugurated.” | And, of course, there was the point when a moderator prefaced a question to Ms. Warren by saying she would be the oldest president ever inaugurated, to which Ms. Warren responded, “I would also be the youngest woman ever inaugurated.” |
| Ms. Klobuchar said she did not see the forgiveness moment as gendered, but rather as her and Ms. Warren looking at the question differently than the other candidates. (Spokeswomen for Ms. Warren did not immediately respond to a request for comment.) | Ms. Klobuchar said she did not see the forgiveness moment as gendered, but rather as her and Ms. Warren looking at the question differently than the other candidates. (Spokeswomen for Ms. Warren did not immediately respond to a request for comment.) |
| “I hope that isn’t seen as like, only the women say I’m sorry,” Ms. Klobuchar said. “I think that what it was, was we looked at the question in a different way.” | “I hope that isn’t seen as like, only the women say I’m sorry,” Ms. Klobuchar said. “I think that what it was, was we looked at the question in a different way.” |
| But when she elaborated on that difference in outlook, the gender dynamic was hard to miss. | But when she elaborated on that difference in outlook, the gender dynamic was hard to miss. |
| The moderators’ question “was not just about, ‘Oh, what can I bountifully give to the other people onstage?’” Ms. Klobuchar said. “What I was basically saying was: Look, I can be blunt. I think we need that in a president. I can be tough. I think we need that in a president. But if people take things the wrong way up there on that stage because you’re in the heat of a debate, then don’t do that, because I really do admire everyone up there.” | |
| The conversation could, perhaps, be reframed, from “why did the women choose to express humility?” to “why did the men not?” But the contrast Ms. Klobuchar described — between humility and “bountiful” giving — is itself inextricable from traditional gender roles and societal pressures. | The conversation could, perhaps, be reframed, from “why did the women choose to express humility?” to “why did the men not?” But the contrast Ms. Klobuchar described — between humility and “bountiful” giving — is itself inextricable from traditional gender roles and societal pressures. |
| If there was a silver lining to a moment that many women found painful to watch, it was the elevation of gender-related questions to the national post-debate discussion. | If there was a silver lining to a moment that many women found painful to watch, it was the elevation of gender-related questions to the national post-debate discussion. |
| “Understanding why they did that is important to the gender analysis of what’s going on in this race and what has been going on for women in politics for quite a long time,” Dr. Dittmar said of the women’s choice. | “Understanding why they did that is important to the gender analysis of what’s going on in this race and what has been going on for women in politics for quite a long time,” Dr. Dittmar said of the women’s choice. |
| But in doing it, “they drew a contrast,” she said. “And now we’re talking about it.” | But in doing it, “they drew a contrast,” she said. “And now we’re talking about it.” |
| Jennifer Medina contributed reporting from Los Angeles. | Jennifer Medina contributed reporting from Los Angeles. |