WHAT THEY WRITEDear friend, It's been an eventful year for the family, and Bill and I can't wait for Christmas and the new year. Stephanie is as lively as ever and is very eager to see the world. And the headmaster at Theo's school says he is growing into a really determined young man. Must catch up next year. Patricia WHAT THEY MEAN Dear person I met once, Glad 2008 is over, I don't know how we survived it. My husband briefly left me for another woman, but he's vowed to turn over a new leaf. Stephanie's out of control and ran away twice. Theo's been suspended for bullying. I don't expect a reply because let's face it, we're never going to see each other again.Patricia
WHAT THEY WRITEDear friend, It's been an eventful year for the family, and Bill and I can't wait for Christmas and the new year. Stephanie is as lively as ever and is very eager to see the world. And the headmaster at Theo's school says he is growing into a really determined young man. Must catch up next year. Patricia WHAT THEY MEAN Dear person I met once, Glad 2008 is over, I don't know how we survived it. My husband briefly left me for another woman, but he's vowed to turn over a new leaf. Stephanie's out of control and ran away twice. Theo's been suspended for bullying. I don't expect a reply because let's face it, we're never going to see each other again.Patricia
News of high-achieving children, exotic holidays and pay rises are being dropped through letter-boxes across the nation, tucked inside a Christmas card. But is the annual round-robin letter a welcome way for busy people to stay in touch, or an unsolicited irritation, asks Tom Geoghegan.
News of high-achieving children, exotic holidays and pay rises are being dropped through letter-boxes across the nation, tucked inside a Christmas card. But is the annual round-robin letter a welcome way for busy people to stay in touch, or an unsolicited irritation, asks Tom Geoghegan.
They usually paint a glossy picture of modern life, in which even life's troubles are airbrushed beyond recognition.
They usually paint a glossy picture of modern life, in which even life's troubles are airbrushed beyond recognition.
Sprinkled with Latin accomplishments of the child you've never met, the pay rise of the husband you never liked and the excruciating detail of the family's cruise holiday you care nothing for, the Christmas newsletter is for many recipients something to endure rather than enjoy.
Sprinkled with Latin accomplishments of the child you've never met, the pay rise of the husband you never liked and the excruciating detail of the family's cruise holiday you care nothing for, the Christmas newsletter is for many recipients something to endure rather than enjoy.
Many are just laden with too much detail. Every December for 10 years, a dreaded envelope with the tell-tale Surrey postcode, drops on to the doormat of Noel and Ellen Turner's home in the Isle of Wight.
Many are just laden with too much detail. Every December for 10 years, a dreaded envelope with the tell-tale Surrey postcode, drops on to the doormat of Noel and Ellen Turner's home in the Isle of Wight.
Inside is a Christmas card and four pages of typed A4, always recounting safari trips to Kenya.
Inside is a Christmas card and four pages of typed A4, always recounting safari trips to Kenya.
"Their newsletter once a year consists of nothing else but lists of the animals they've seen and photos of them," says engineer Mr Turner, 49.
"Their newsletter once a year consists of nothing else but lists of the animals they've seen and photos of them," says engineer Mr Turner, 49.
"It's the equivalent of that nightmare evening you hate to be invited to, when neighbours say 'Come and look at our holiday snaps' and you can't avoid it.
"It's the equivalent of that nightmare evening you hate to be invited to, when neighbours say 'Come and look at our holiday snaps' and you can't avoid it.
"It's not the sort of detail you would need to know, even if you were most intimately acquainted with the couple.
"It's not the sort of detail you would need to know, even if you were most intimately acquainted with the couple.
"But when you're not and you're just on a newsletter, it's extraordinary that they think you might be interested." There's a certain egocentricity in assuming that people are interested in the minutiae of what people put in these things Author Noel Turner
"But when you're not and you're just on a newsletter, it's extraordinary that they think you might be interested." There's a certain egocentricity in assuming that people are interested in the minutiae of what people put in these things Author Noel Turner
This annual irritation from London's stockbroker belt inspired the couple to go public - penning a book which lampoons the whole phenomenon. Called Noel and Ellen's Strange and Wonderful History of the Dreaded Christmas Newsletter, it has spoof round-robin letters from historical figures like Henry VIII.
This annual irritation from London's stockbroker belt inspired the couple to go public - penning a book which lampoons the whole phenomenon. Called Noel and Ellen's Strange and Wonderful History of the Dreaded Christmas Newsletter, it has spoof round-robin letters from historical figures like Henry VIII.
Mr Turner thinks these letters are on the rise, as more people become PC-literate and are able to ping off copies at the click of a mouse. And it saddens him that the art of the handwritten note is being lost.
Mr Turner thinks these letters are on the rise, as more people become PC-literate and are able to ping off copies at the click of a mouse. And it saddens him that the art of the handwritten note is being lost.
"You can't write them in a personal way, that's the chief sin. You send it out and it's the same information to grandma and to someone you met once in the Outer Hebrides.
"You can't write them in a personal way, that's the chief sin. You send it out and it's the same information to grandma and to someone you met once in the Outer Hebrides.
"There's a certain egocentricity in assuming that people are interested in the minutiae of what people put in these things, and that's the flaw."
"There's a certain egocentricity in assuming that people are interested in the minutiae of what people put in these things, and that's the flaw."
Smug
Smug
The tradition has become the object of ridicule. In a collection published by the Guardian's Simon Hoggart, one mother wrote:
The tradition has become the object of ridicule. In a collection published by the Guardian's Simon Hoggart, one mother wrote:
"Harry was Jesus in the school Jesus Christ, Superstar. This was the best production I have ever seen, youth or adult. Both boys, especially Harry, were physically and emotionally drained at the end. I was drained too⦠seeing your son crucified nightly is not an experience I would recommend."
"Harry was Jesus in the school Jesus Christ, Superstar. This was the best production I have ever seen, youth or adult. Both boys, especially Harry, were physically and emotionally drained at the end. I was drained too⦠seeing your son crucified nightly is not an experience I would recommend."
Like a cc e-mail, these letters feel like they are not for you, says etiquette expert Judi James. But it's the self-congratulatory tone that is hardest to swallow.
Like a cc e-mail, these letters feel like they are not for you, says etiquette expert Judi James. But it's the self-congratulatory tone that is hardest to swallow.
"They are people that want to lead those idealistic family lives, usually with two children. If you have more children, you're too busy. And if you haven't got kids, you're probably too busy having a life.
"They are people that want to lead those idealistic family lives, usually with two children. If you have more children, you're too busy. And if you haven't got kids, you're probably too busy having a life.
"The letters are very much associated with the nuclear family. It's like you have to have the ideal life before you can put pen to paper.
"The letters are very much associated with the nuclear family. It's like you have to have the ideal life before you can put pen to paper.
"You never get them from losers. My friends with 10 cats never send them. They are always middle-class with a doorstep. No-one in flats sends them." ROUND-ROBIN DOs... Laugh at yourselfRemember that some friends may not be as successful as youIdentify everyone you mentionBe selective whom you write to
"You never get them from losers. My friends with 10 cats never send them. They are always middle-class with a doorstep. No-one in flats sends them." ROUND-ROBIN DOs... Laugh at yourselfRemember that some friends may not be as successful as youIdentify everyone you mentionBe selective whom you write to
Besides, if you only know someone well enough to communicate once a year, isn't it time to take a step back and ask "is this relationship valuable". If it's a yes then pick up the phone and talk, says Ms James.
Besides, if you only know someone well enough to communicate once a year, isn't it time to take a step back and ask "is this relationship valuable". If it's a yes then pick up the phone and talk, says Ms James.
So is there nothing to recommend the roundly derided round-robin? Ms James finds solace in one aspect at least - the delicate literary sidestepping of bad news. Euphemisms (see the example at the top of this article) in this context are a very British phenomenon: the stiff upper-lip in adversity at a time of year when people don't want to sound doom-laden.
So is there nothing to recommend the roundly derided round-robin? Ms James finds solace in one aspect at least - the delicate literary sidestepping of bad news. Euphemisms (see the example at the top of this article) in this context are a very British phenomenon: the stiff upper-lip in adversity at a time of year when people don't want to sound doom-laden.
"Even if half the family has been wiped out and the house has fallen down, they will make it sound not that bad." ...AND DON'Ts Write in the voice of your petWrite in verseName-dropOverwhelm with details Source: Newsletter doctor, Tilly Lavenas
"Even if half the family has been wiped out and the house has fallen down, they will make it sound not that bad." ...AND DON'Ts Write in the voice of your petWrite in verseName-dropOverwhelm with details Source: Newsletter doctor, Tilly Lavenas
And in this season of goodwill, perhaps the level of bitterness with which they are received may say more about the "Bah, humbug" attitude of the recipient, says Ms James.
And in this season of goodwill, perhaps the level of bitterness with which they are received may say more about the "Bah, humbug" attitude of the recipient, says Ms James.
"They mean well and if they come across as smug and patronising, it is probably the reader's fault. It's like when someone sends you a perfectly nice e-mail but you're in a bad mood so it appears rude."
"They mean well and if they come across as smug and patronising, it is probably the reader's fault. It's like when someone sends you a perfectly nice e-mail but you're in a bad mood so it appears rude."
There is nothing wrong with making proud announcements, says Tilly Lavenas, who advises people on how to make their newsletters more engaging. But you should write about them in a subtle way.
There is nothing wrong with making proud announcements, says Tilly Lavenas, who advises people on how to make their newsletters more engaging. But you should write about them in a subtle way.
"You can imply that your daughter is doing very well in her new job in the City but you don't need to come out and say she's making a hundred grand and she's only 22 years old."
"You can imply that your daughter is doing very well in her new job in the City but you don't need to come out and say she's making a hundred grand and she's only 22 years old."
Given some humour and depth, they can be an engaging way of staying touch, says Ms Lavenas. Formerly based in the US, she says it's an American concept that hasn't really taken off in the UK.
Given some humour and depth, they can be an engaging way of staying in touch, says Ms Lavenas. Formerly based in the US, she says it's an American concept that hasn't really taken off in the UK.
"It's kind of bragging. People like to highlight their achievements of the year and that's more American. People here like to hide their light under a bushel."
"It's kind of bragging. People like to highlight their achievements of the year and that's more American. People here like to hide their light under a bushel."
So the problem may lie, not with the sender, but with a British reluctance to tell each other how good life can be.
So the problem may lie, not with the sender, but with a British reluctance to tell each other how good life can be.
Add your comments on this story, using the form below.
Add your comments on this story, using the form below.
