This article is from the source 'guardian' and was first published or seen on . It last changed over 40 days ago and won't be checked again for changes.
You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/dec/23/we-really-must-pull-ourselves-together-and-stop-fretting-about-the-truth
The article has changed 2 times. There is an RSS feed of changes available.
Previous version
1
Next version
| Version 0 | Version 1 |
|---|---|
| We must pull ourselves together and stop fretting about the truth | We must pull ourselves together and stop fretting about the truth |
| (25 days later) | |
| Conservatives are known to occupy a universe where several laws of nature appear not to apply. The most important one is the law of cause and effect. This is my favourite law of nature because it leaves no room for excuses and fannying about. Every effect has a specific and identifiable cause and every cause or action has a specific and predictable effect. Thus, in the universe occupied by the Scottish Tories, there are times when these laws must be artificially distorted or suspended outright. This usually happens when their shadowy realm clashes with the real world. | Conservatives are known to occupy a universe where several laws of nature appear not to apply. The most important one is the law of cause and effect. This is my favourite law of nature because it leaves no room for excuses and fannying about. Every effect has a specific and identifiable cause and every cause or action has a specific and predictable effect. Thus, in the universe occupied by the Scottish Tories, there are times when these laws must be artificially distorted or suspended outright. This usually happens when their shadowy realm clashes with the real world. |
| We saw an entertaining example of this just the other week when some of those Tories who occupy the scarecrow wing of the party thought it might be a good idea to visit their local food banks. They proceeded to have photos taken among the tinned comestibles before posting them on social media with jaunty (and identical) messages. That the existence of food banks might have been caused by their party’s austerity policies and latterly by its imposition of universal credit appeared not to have concerned them a jot. | We saw an entertaining example of this just the other week when some of those Tories who occupy the scarecrow wing of the party thought it might be a good idea to visit their local food banks. They proceeded to have photos taken among the tinned comestibles before posting them on social media with jaunty (and identical) messages. That the existence of food banks might have been caused by their party’s austerity policies and latterly by its imposition of universal credit appeared not to have concerned them a jot. |
| Recent instances could be observed in the responses of Scotland’s two top Tories, Ruth Davidson and David Mundell, to Theresa May’s Brexit deal. Having previously said they couldn’t back anything that undermined Northern Ireland’s union with the UK they have become cheerleaders for a deal that does just that. The Scottish Tories and the real world display the same level of compatibility as two ferrets in a sack. | Recent instances could be observed in the responses of Scotland’s two top Tories, Ruth Davidson and David Mundell, to Theresa May’s Brexit deal. Having previously said they couldn’t back anything that undermined Northern Ireland’s union with the UK they have become cheerleaders for a deal that does just that. The Scottish Tories and the real world display the same level of compatibility as two ferrets in a sack. |
| In Scotland, we were treated to another classic of this Tory subgenre. It was provided by Brian Whittle, the MSP for South Scotland who found a place among the Tory listed candidates for this region despite losing the general election by almost 13,000 votes. Whittle is an amiable and well-intentioned chiel who seems to have wandered into the Scottish Conservatives by accident as a result of having too much time on his hands. Somewhere along the way, he too seems to have lost his bearings in relation to the real world. | In Scotland, we were treated to another classic of this Tory subgenre. It was provided by Brian Whittle, the MSP for South Scotland who found a place among the Tory listed candidates for this region despite losing the general election by almost 13,000 votes. Whittle is an amiable and well-intentioned chiel who seems to have wandered into the Scottish Conservatives by accident as a result of having too much time on his hands. Somewhere along the way, he too seems to have lost his bearings in relation to the real world. |
| In an interview in the current issue of Holyrood magazine he was questioned about “the rape clause”, also known as the two-child benefit cap. This is the policy that seeks to restrict child tax credit and universal credit to two children except when a mother can prove that another was “conceived without her consent”. Whittle was obviously paying attention in his Tory induction seminars about how to spin reality into a fairytale. He said: “Well, number one, again, this is where politics is appalling; there is no such thing as a rape clause. That’s an invention. There’s an exemption clause.” And he added: “The term ‘rape clause’ is an invention to beat the Tories with. It’s the invention of another political party.” As a father-of-three, he rejected any notion of a third child being undervalued. | In an interview in the current issue of Holyrood magazine he was questioned about “the rape clause”, also known as the two-child benefit cap. This is the policy that seeks to restrict child tax credit and universal credit to two children except when a mother can prove that another was “conceived without her consent”. Whittle was obviously paying attention in his Tory induction seminars about how to spin reality into a fairytale. He said: “Well, number one, again, this is where politics is appalling; there is no such thing as a rape clause. That’s an invention. There’s an exemption clause.” And he added: “The term ‘rape clause’ is an invention to beat the Tories with. It’s the invention of another political party.” As a father-of-three, he rejected any notion of a third child being undervalued. |
| “But you have a good job,” the interviewer gently pointed out. | “But you have a good job,” the interviewer gently pointed out. |
| Whittle is a former Olympic athlete, competing in Seoul in 1988. In 1986, he helped Britain to gold in the 4x400m relay at the European championships at Stuttgart. He excelled by running minus one of his shoes, which had flown off at his changeover – “the quickest sock in history”, was how the BBC’s David Coleman described it. By applying his political thought processes to coaching, perhaps Whittle ought to be telling young athletes to consider ditching a running shoe in the future. “After all, it worked for me.” | Whittle is a former Olympic athlete, competing in Seoul in 1988. In 1986, he helped Britain to gold in the 4x400m relay at the European championships at Stuttgart. He excelled by running minus one of his shoes, which had flown off at his changeover – “the quickest sock in history”, was how the BBC’s David Coleman described it. By applying his political thought processes to coaching, perhaps Whittle ought to be telling young athletes to consider ditching a running shoe in the future. “After all, it worked for me.” |
| Indeed, I would commend Whittle’s refreshingly rudimentary approach to explaining away evils to Tory strategists. As Brexit approaches, we will hear scary warnings about the four horsemen of the apocalypse thundering down the road. Riots in the streets occasioning the deployment of 3,500 army reservists: this will be spontaneous outbreaks of good cheer at gaining our independence. The troops will simply be there as genial participants. | Indeed, I would commend Whittle’s refreshingly rudimentary approach to explaining away evils to Tory strategists. As Brexit approaches, we will hear scary warnings about the four horsemen of the apocalypse thundering down the road. Riots in the streets occasioning the deployment of 3,500 army reservists: this will be spontaneous outbreaks of good cheer at gaining our independence. The troops will simply be there as genial participants. |
| Homelessness: why, this is also an invention by vile anti-Tory forces. A spell on the streets would be good for everyone and toughen up the chaps for the inevitable military adventures that lie ahead. | Homelessness: why, this is also an invention by vile anti-Tory forces. A spell on the streets would be good for everyone and toughen up the chaps for the inevitable military adventures that lie ahead. |
| Shortages of medicine: why always with the negative vibes? We have become too dependent on antibiotics. A short, sharp spell without them will strengthen our collective immune system. | Shortages of medicine: why always with the negative vibes? We have become too dependent on antibiotics. A short, sharp spell without them will strengthen our collective immune system. |
| Food shortages: this is just another chorus from the Project Fear songbook. As a nation, we throw away too much food and have an obesity crisis. I’d propose that we get the troops to stop homeless people slouching in their doorways and march them down to the local park to do some of that Falun Gong. In no time at all they’ll be jogging out to the local Tesco where executives have kindly agreed to provide them with yesterday’s unsold fruit and vegetables. | Food shortages: this is just another chorus from the Project Fear songbook. As a nation, we throw away too much food and have an obesity crisis. I’d propose that we get the troops to stop homeless people slouching in their doorways and march them down to the local park to do some of that Falun Gong. In no time at all they’ll be jogging out to the local Tesco where executives have kindly agreed to provide them with yesterday’s unsold fruit and vegetables. |
| From 29 March 2019, the Tories will spin a different reality to that of most other people. The royal family, hand-picked religious leaders, rightwing press barons and handily placed BBC news managers will create a parallel universe of peace, happiness and good cheer. | From 29 March 2019, the Tories will spin a different reality to that of most other people. The royal family, hand-picked religious leaders, rightwing press barons and handily placed BBC news managers will create a parallel universe of peace, happiness and good cheer. |
| Whenever Britain is faced with an existing or impending crisis in any sector it moves quickly to appoint a tsar. This conveys the message that “we’re all over this”. The tsar is usually a well-behaved and cheery type from business, entertainment or sport who can be trusted not to ask too many questions and quickly disappear. I’d nominate Brian Whittle as tsar for pulling ourselves together. | Whenever Britain is faced with an existing or impending crisis in any sector it moves quickly to appoint a tsar. This conveys the message that “we’re all over this”. The tsar is usually a well-behaved and cheery type from business, entertainment or sport who can be trusted not to ask too many questions and quickly disappear. I’d nominate Brian Whittle as tsar for pulling ourselves together. |
| • Kevin McKenna is an Observer columnist | • Kevin McKenna is an Observer columnist |
| Conservatives | Conservatives |
| Opinion | Opinion |
| Scottish politics | Scottish politics |
| Scotland | Scotland |
| Brexit | Brexit |
| Poverty | Poverty |
| comment | comment |
| Share on Facebook | Share on Facebook |
| Share on Twitter | Share on Twitter |
| Share via Email | Share via Email |
| Share on LinkedIn | Share on LinkedIn |
| Share on Pinterest | Share on Pinterest |
| Share on WhatsApp | Share on WhatsApp |
| Share on Messenger | Share on Messenger |
| Reuse this content | Reuse this content |
Previous version
1
Next version