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Gemma Collins the ice maiden cometh with added chutzpah Gemma Collins the ice maiden cometh with added chutzpah
(25 days later)
It doesn’t start until January, but naturally the star of the new Dancing on Ice is already Gemma Collins, who has been doling out the kind of pre-match fighting talk that should have her rivals skating for the nearest dressing room. “Just think Beyoncé on ice, honey,” she told the Mirror, of what she had in store for the competition. “That’s me. Beyoncé for the first week, Mariah for the second, Celine Dion for the third, and then full GC for the fourth.”It doesn’t start until January, but naturally the star of the new Dancing on Ice is already Gemma Collins, who has been doling out the kind of pre-match fighting talk that should have her rivals skating for the nearest dressing room. “Just think Beyoncé on ice, honey,” she told the Mirror, of what she had in store for the competition. “That’s me. Beyoncé for the first week, Mariah for the second, Celine Dion for the third, and then full GC for the fourth.”
Collins, who made her name on The Only Way Is Essex, is about to complete whatever the Emmy-Grammy-Oscar-Tony equivalent of reality shows is, having appeared on just about all of them, even that one where celebrities had to learn to dive that was about as exciting as watching people learn how to dive.Collins, who made her name on The Only Way Is Essex, is about to complete whatever the Emmy-Grammy-Oscar-Tony equivalent of reality shows is, having appeared on just about all of them, even that one where celebrities had to learn to dive that was about as exciting as watching people learn how to dive.
I only regret that she never managed to do The Jump, for which I had a soft spot – it got famous people to compete in winter sports, only to find that such activities required a touch more expertise than expected, as 34 of its 60 competitors were injured. It upped the stakes of celebrity reality TV; eating a bull’s penis in the jungle no longer seemed so horrific next to the very probable prospect of snapping a ligament in a snowsuit while attempting to jump in the air. Oddly enough, it was axed after four series, so Dancing on Ice, in which celebrities can spend weeks avoiding a broken ankle and trying to pretend they’re not wishing they’d done Strictly instead, will have to do.I only regret that she never managed to do The Jump, for which I had a soft spot – it got famous people to compete in winter sports, only to find that such activities required a touch more expertise than expected, as 34 of its 60 competitors were injured. It upped the stakes of celebrity reality TV; eating a bull’s penis in the jungle no longer seemed so horrific next to the very probable prospect of snapping a ligament in a snowsuit while attempting to jump in the air. Oddly enough, it was axed after four series, so Dancing on Ice, in which celebrities can spend weeks avoiding a broken ankle and trying to pretend they’re not wishing they’d done Strictly instead, will have to do.
Collins is such excellent value that it’s little wonder they finally signed her up. She is a walking headline generator and guaranteed entertainment. She made Celebrity MasterChef a talking point by getting someone else to do the cooking for her. She turned her series of Celebrity Big Brother into a timeless content farm for makers of memes (or, in Collins speak, “memés”). She is clearly self-aware, but seems to lack self-awareness entirely, too, and there is something infectious about her absolute over-the-top confidence.Collins is such excellent value that it’s little wonder they finally signed her up. She is a walking headline generator and guaranteed entertainment. She made Celebrity MasterChef a talking point by getting someone else to do the cooking for her. She turned her series of Celebrity Big Brother into a timeless content farm for makers of memes (or, in Collins speak, “memés”). She is clearly self-aware, but seems to lack self-awareness entirely, too, and there is something infectious about her absolute over-the-top confidence.
“Opening night, I want to do the splits. I want to do a couple of spins, I want to do fireworks,” she says in the promo video, before stumbling around like Bambi on the Baileys. Fellow contestant Brian McFadden has revealed that Collins has been blocked from their WhatsApp group twice for rudeness, but when you’ve got a personality this size, what emojis could possibly contain you? “I’ve asked for grade A Swarovski crystals and as many feathers as they can find,” she has said. Princess, crown, clinking champagne glasses.“Opening night, I want to do the splits. I want to do a couple of spins, I want to do fireworks,” she says in the promo video, before stumbling around like Bambi on the Baileys. Fellow contestant Brian McFadden has revealed that Collins has been blocked from their WhatsApp group twice for rudeness, but when you’ve got a personality this size, what emojis could possibly contain you? “I’ve asked for grade A Swarovski crystals and as many feathers as they can find,” she has said. Princess, crown, clinking champagne glasses.
Sacha Baron Cohen had the last laugh on Sarah PalinSacha Baron Cohen had the last laugh on Sarah Palin
There were few comedies darker than Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America?, in which the comedian prostheticised – OK, not a word, unless we’re playing Scrabble and it’s my go – himself into a series of increasingly absurd and provocative characters.There were few comedies darker than Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America?, in which the comedian prostheticised – OK, not a word, unless we’re playing Scrabble and it’s my go – himself into a series of increasingly absurd and provocative characters.
He did this either to take advantage of his victims’ openness and goodwill or to expose the hypocrisy of people in power who happily condone things such as arming children, depending on which side you took. I found it too bleak to enjoy and often watched with a wince. It made Chris Morris tricking celebrities into campaigning against the fake drug “cake” look like a fuzzy warm remnant of spoofs gone by.He did this either to take advantage of his victims’ openness and goodwill or to expose the hypocrisy of people in power who happily condone things such as arming children, depending on which side you took. I found it too bleak to enjoy and often watched with a wince. It made Chris Morris tricking celebrities into campaigning against the fake drug “cake” look like a fuzzy warm remnant of spoofs gone by.
In an excellent interview with Deadline, Baron Cohen revealed that he would be unable to make another series for at least 10 years, because his cover was blown. “We relied on the fact that no one was expecting me. I hadn’t done anything undercover for over a decade and so nobody thought, ‘Wait a minute, is this a Sacha Baron Cohen character?’ That’s the problem,” he explains.In an excellent interview with Deadline, Baron Cohen revealed that he would be unable to make another series for at least 10 years, because his cover was blown. “We relied on the fact that no one was expecting me. I hadn’t done anything undercover for over a decade and so nobody thought, ‘Wait a minute, is this a Sacha Baron Cohen character?’ That’s the problem,” he explains.
He also reveals what happened when he tricked Sarah Palin into an interview. Palin, you might remember, wrote a lengthy Facebook post before the show aired, denouncing his sense of humour as “evil, exploitative, sick” and calling him “shallow Sacha boy”, all but guaranteeing publicity for the series. It was, it turns out, entirely in vain. “She was just delivering these kind of rote answers, as if she was doing a campaign speech,” he said. “Even though I sat with her I think for about two-and-a-half hours, there was no comedy gold.” She never even appeared on the show.He also reveals what happened when he tricked Sarah Palin into an interview. Palin, you might remember, wrote a lengthy Facebook post before the show aired, denouncing his sense of humour as “evil, exploitative, sick” and calling him “shallow Sacha boy”, all but guaranteeing publicity for the series. It was, it turns out, entirely in vain. “She was just delivering these kind of rote answers, as if she was doing a campaign speech,” he said. “Even though I sat with her I think for about two-and-a-half hours, there was no comedy gold.” She never even appeared on the show.
Danny Dyer – on the box and so on messageDanny Dyer – on the box and so on message
Danny Dyer is continuing his inevitable bid for an official role in the future of this nation by going up against the Queen to deliver the Alternative Christmas Message on Channel 4.Danny Dyer is continuing his inevitable bid for an official role in the future of this nation by going up against the Queen to deliver the Alternative Christmas Message on Channel 4.
He is, after all, of royal descent, so it seems only fitting that he rises to the challenge of talking some fackin sense. Over the crumbs of a festive feast, he will deliver a short speech in which he reflects on the political year gone by, an annus horribilis on which few will be able to look back with undiluted pleasure.He is, after all, of royal descent, so it seems only fitting that he rises to the challenge of talking some fackin sense. Over the crumbs of a festive feast, he will deliver a short speech in which he reflects on the political year gone by, an annus horribilis on which few will be able to look back with undiluted pleasure.
Dyer is a strong choice for this ceremonial role. He voted Leave, but has changed his mind since, famously calling David Cameron a “twat”, twice, live on television, as Piers Morgan snivelled: “I think you’re referring to our former prime minister.” Dyer will discuss the importance of having someone to look up to, like his mentor, Harold Pinter, and will return to politics on Christmas Day, labelling Donald Trump an “absolute melt”, while showering disdain on our own politicians. “That shambles down in Westminster, what a palaver that is. I mean where are our leaders? Where are they?” At this point of the year, that’s looking like insightful political analysis.Dyer is a strong choice for this ceremonial role. He voted Leave, but has changed his mind since, famously calling David Cameron a “twat”, twice, live on television, as Piers Morgan snivelled: “I think you’re referring to our former prime minister.” Dyer will discuss the importance of having someone to look up to, like his mentor, Harold Pinter, and will return to politics on Christmas Day, labelling Donald Trump an “absolute melt”, while showering disdain on our own politicians. “That shambles down in Westminster, what a palaver that is. I mean where are our leaders? Where are they?” At this point of the year, that’s looking like insightful political analysis.
• Rebecca Nicholson is an Observer columnist• Rebecca Nicholson is an Observer columnist
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