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‘As a Rape Survivor, I Was Shaking in My Chair’ as Christine Blasey Ford Testified ‘As a Rape Survivor, I Was Shaking in My Chair’ as Christine Blasey Ford Testified
(about 2 hours later)
As Christine Blasey Ford testified Thursday before the Senate Judiciary Committee, laying bare the details of the sexual assault she accuses Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh of committing against her, Americans gathered in conference rooms, on couches, in airport terminals and at diners to watch. Among them were many for whom Dr. Blasey’s testimony evoked memories of their own experiences with sexual trauma.As Christine Blasey Ford testified Thursday before the Senate Judiciary Committee, laying bare the details of the sexual assault she accuses Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh of committing against her, Americans gathered in conference rooms, on couches, in airport terminals and at diners to watch. Among them were many for whom Dr. Blasey’s testimony evoked memories of their own experiences with sexual trauma.
We heard from dozens of readers today who identified themselves as trauma victims and who said in our comments section that they struggled with their memories as Dr. Blasey spoke. Their stories have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.We heard from dozens of readers today who identified themselves as trauma victims and who said in our comments section that they struggled with their memories as Dr. Blasey spoke. Their stories have been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
[Read more: The relentless pace of stories about sexual violence have filled many women with rage and forced survivors to relive their experiences again and again.]
As a rape survivor, I was shaking in my chair as Dr. Ford described her assault. Having to testify at my rape trial was the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life.As a rape survivor, I was shaking in my chair as Dr. Ford described her assault. Having to testify at my rape trial was the most difficult thing that I have ever done in my life.
My testimony lasted an entire day. Reliving the assault in vivid detail in front of strangers caused me to shake uncontrollably. I literally could not hold on to a glass of water. My testimony was only in front of jurors, a judge, family and my rapist’s family.My testimony lasted an entire day. Reliving the assault in vivid detail in front of strangers caused me to shake uncontrollably. I literally could not hold on to a glass of water. My testimony was only in front of jurors, a judge, family and my rapist’s family.
I cannot imagine the strength it takes to do this live in front of the entire nation.I cannot imagine the strength it takes to do this live in front of the entire nation.
— “Paula,” USA— “Paula,” USA
I was raped a couple of days before I started the fourth grade.I was raped a couple of days before I started the fourth grade.
I can’t tell you exactly what day. But I remember the exact event in detail and the deep shame and confusion I felt inside. Do I have proof or enough for a search warrant decades later? Of course not. But I can tell you the lifetime impact of the trauma I suffered.I can’t tell you exactly what day. But I remember the exact event in detail and the deep shame and confusion I felt inside. Do I have proof or enough for a search warrant decades later? Of course not. But I can tell you the lifetime impact of the trauma I suffered.
I could feel tears starting in my eyes when Dr. Ford spoke of the laughter she heard. The pain in her voice was unmistakable because that is the same way I sounded just a couple of weeks ago when I relayed my trauma to a psychiatrist.I could feel tears starting in my eyes when Dr. Ford spoke of the laughter she heard. The pain in her voice was unmistakable because that is the same way I sounded just a couple of weeks ago when I relayed my trauma to a psychiatrist.
— “Anna,” Seattle— “Anna,” Seattle
I am a male survivor of sexual assault [that took place] in my teens.I am a male survivor of sexual assault [that took place] in my teens.
I found Dr. Ford’s testimony absolutely credible. I’m afraid much will try to be made of the fact she doesn’t remember certain elements of that day while remembering explicitly what happened to her and who did it to her.I found Dr. Ford’s testimony absolutely credible. I’m afraid much will try to be made of the fact she doesn’t remember certain elements of that day while remembering explicitly what happened to her and who did it to her.
It took me 20 years to tell anyone what happened to me, and even then only my wife and my therapist know the truth. I also do not recall how I got to where I was that day. I remember the bedroom specifically, but don’t recall the exact address of the house.It took me 20 years to tell anyone what happened to me, and even then only my wife and my therapist know the truth. I also do not recall how I got to where I was that day. I remember the bedroom specifically, but don’t recall the exact address of the house.
I did not fully remember which house of two my assailant lived in over the relevant time the assault occurred in until I recently brought myself to consciously picture the assault over several weeks and bring it to fuller conscious memory.I did not fully remember which house of two my assailant lived in over the relevant time the assault occurred in until I recently brought myself to consciously picture the assault over several weeks and bring it to fuller conscious memory.
I don’t remember how I got to the house and I don’t remember how I got home after I was able to leave. I believe this was due to not remembering much before the searing memory of the trauma and the state of shock in its immediate aftermath.I don’t remember how I got to the house and I don’t remember how I got home after I was able to leave. I believe this was due to not remembering much before the searing memory of the trauma and the state of shock in its immediate aftermath.
However, I clearly remember explicit details of the assault and without ANY doubt I am 100 percent certain of the identity of my attacker.However, I clearly remember explicit details of the assault and without ANY doubt I am 100 percent certain of the identity of my attacker.
— “Smith,” New York— “Smith,” New York
Listening to the details that Dr. Ford brought, and that sense of hopelessness, brought me back to my own experience with assault.Listening to the details that Dr. Ford brought, and that sense of hopelessness, brought me back to my own experience with assault.
I did not know the guy, he broke into my apartment, but that sense of fear, of your mind just running to look for ways to escape while someone is holding you on your back, with his hand on your mouth, and touching you, is the most horrible sensation.I did not know the guy, he broke into my apartment, but that sense of fear, of your mind just running to look for ways to escape while someone is holding you on your back, with his hand on your mouth, and touching you, is the most horrible sensation.
I was lucky, just like Dr. Ford, and was able to run away, but I completely understand her feeling of shame.I was lucky, just like Dr. Ford, and was able to run away, but I completely understand her feeling of shame.
The worst thing was that after that neither the police nor my men neighbors were interested to find who did that. As if I was just one more of many, a piece of meat. Just like the laughter she remembers. Horrible.The worst thing was that after that neither the police nor my men neighbors were interested to find who did that. As if I was just one more of many, a piece of meat. Just like the laughter she remembers. Horrible.
— “DAT," San Antonio— “DAT," San Antonio
Marie Tae McDermott and Robin Frost contributed reporting.Marie Tae McDermott and Robin Frost contributed reporting.
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