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| Cough sweets, Clarkson and booze: Hammond brings out budget jokes | Cough sweets, Clarkson and booze: Hammond brings out budget jokes |
| (about 9 hours later) | |
| After traffic en route, a chancellor not renowned for standup delivered a few choice and sometimes spiky gags | |
| Key points from budget 2017 – at a glance | |
| Martin Belam | |
| Wed 22 Nov 2017 15.37 GMT | |
| Last modified on Mon 27 Nov 2017 13.21 GMT | |
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| The bleaker the economic predictions in a budget, the warmer the jokes need to be. And given the news that growth had been downgraded to 1.5% and the low forecasts for growth stretching out until 2022, Philip Hammond needed all the laughs he could get. | The bleaker the economic predictions in a budget, the warmer the jokes need to be. And given the news that growth had been downgraded to 1.5% and the low forecasts for growth stretching out until 2022, Philip Hammond needed all the laughs he could get. |
| Things didn’t go brilliantly in the run-up to the speech. First up, people noticed how the Treasury team didn’t quite manage to pull off a tribute to the Beatles’ Abbey Road album cover. | Things didn’t go brilliantly in the run-up to the speech. First up, people noticed how the Treasury team didn’t quite manage to pull off a tribute to the Beatles’ Abbey Road album cover. |
| UK Parliament Treasury team's attempt to recreate Beatles 'Abbey Road' cover backfires. (JT) pic.twitter.com/AxGKLNonnu | UK Parliament Treasury team's attempt to recreate Beatles 'Abbey Road' cover backfires. (JT) pic.twitter.com/AxGKLNonnu |
| Then the chancellor got stuck in traffic on the way from Downing Street to the House of Commons. Behind a white van with a Europhile logo. | Then the chancellor got stuck in traffic on the way from Downing Street to the House of Commons. Behind a white van with a Europhile logo. |
| METAPHOR KLAXONOn way to budget, Phillip Hammond stuck in traffic behind Europcar van pic.twitter.com/W0gvUtOQrl | METAPHOR KLAXONOn way to budget, Phillip Hammond stuck in traffic behind Europcar van pic.twitter.com/W0gvUtOQrl |
| This came days after he avoided another potentially awkward vehicle-related photo op as a passenger in a self-driving car. | This came days after he avoided another potentially awkward vehicle-related photo op as a passenger in a self-driving car. |
| Metaphor alert:The Chancellor is going to be a passenger in a driverless car tomorrow... | Metaphor alert:The Chancellor is going to be a passenger in a driverless car tomorrow... |
| There may have been a U-turn on taking that car trip, but Hammond didn’t back away from mentioning self-driving vehicles in his speech. | There may have been a U-turn on taking that car trip, but Hammond didn’t back away from mentioning self-driving vehicles in his speech. |
| “I know that Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t like them, but there are also other reasons to pursue this technology,” he said, going on to indulge in some wordplay about Clarkson’s fellow Grand Tour presenters, suggesting it was “not the first time you’ve been snubbed by Hammond and May”. | “I know that Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t like them, but there are also other reasons to pursue this technology,” he said, going on to indulge in some wordplay about Clarkson’s fellow Grand Tour presenters, suggesting it was “not the first time you’ve been snubbed by Hammond and May”. |
| The line went down well in some quarters. | The line went down well in some quarters. |
| I think for the first time ever I smiled at a Budget joke. Admittedly it was at Jeremy Clarkson’s expense. #Budget2017 #Hammond&May | I think for the first time ever I smiled at a Budget joke. Admittedly it was at Jeremy Clarkson’s expense. #Budget2017 #Hammond&May |
| Theresa May joined in with a joke about the coughing fit that blighted her conference speech last month. Hammond said he’d asked a colleague to bring cough sweets, and the prime minister duly obliged. | Theresa May joined in with a joke about the coughing fit that blighted her conference speech last month. Hammond said he’d asked a colleague to bring cough sweets, and the prime minister duly obliged. |
| In perhaps his spikiest comment, Hammond took a swipe at his colleague Michael Gove, joking that the details from the OBR were “the bit with the long economicky words in it” – a reference to criticism of the environment secretary’s apparent angling for the chancellor’s job. | In perhaps his spikiest comment, Hammond took a swipe at his colleague Michael Gove, joking that the details from the OBR were “the bit with the long economicky words in it” – a reference to criticism of the environment secretary’s apparent angling for the chancellor’s job. |
| The former Scottish Labour leader Kezia Dugdale’s controversial appearance on I’m a Celebrity … also got a mention, as Hammond quipped about the opposition: “I’m Labour, get me out of here.” | The former Scottish Labour leader Kezia Dugdale’s controversial appearance on I’m a Celebrity … also got a mention, as Hammond quipped about the opposition: “I’m Labour, get me out of here.” |
| Not everybody was impressed with the attempts to distract from the dismal figures with jokes. Here’s Theo Bertram, a former adviser to Tony Blair and Gordon Brown: | Not everybody was impressed with the attempts to distract from the dismal figures with jokes. Here’s Theo Bertram, a former adviser to Tony Blair and Gordon Brown: |
| Funny Ol' Phil and his Banter Budget. Knock knock. Who's there? Downgraded growth and terrible productivity. | Funny Ol' Phil and his Banter Budget. Knock knock. Who's there? Downgraded growth and terrible productivity. |
| Nor was the general secretary of Unison pleased: | Nor was the general secretary of Unison pleased: |
| The Prime Minister and the Chancellor are messing about trying to do jokes in the Budget speech. How about they announce proper pay rises for all public sector workers instead? #budget17 | The Prime Minister and the Chancellor are messing about trying to do jokes in the Budget speech. How about they announce proper pay rises for all public sector workers instead? #budget17 |
| The nation’s awkward relationship with alcohol was illustrated by the fact that the chancellor both spoke about the grave threat to health posed by drinking and made jokes about it. | The nation’s awkward relationship with alcohol was illustrated by the fact that the chancellor both spoke about the grave threat to health posed by drinking and made jokes about it. |
| He opened by stressing that he was sticking to water, despite being tempted with something stronger (it is a tradition that chancellors are allowed to drink alcohol at the despatch box when delivering their budget speeches). | He opened by stressing that he was sticking to water, despite being tempted with something stronger (it is a tradition that chancellors are allowed to drink alcohol at the despatch box when delivering their budget speeches). |
| Hammond was also moved to wish a “Merry Christmas, Mr Deputy Speaker” when announcing that a freeze on alcohol duty would mean a pint of beer would cost 12p less and a bottle of whisky £1.15 less than if the government had persevered with increases planned by Labour. | Hammond was also moved to wish a “Merry Christmas, Mr Deputy Speaker” when announcing that a freeze on alcohol duty would mean a pint of beer would cost 12p less and a bottle of whisky £1.15 less than if the government had persevered with increases planned by Labour. |
| But this was just after announcing that the duty on high-strength white cider would rise, citing “excessive alcohol consumption by vulnerable people” as the reason. | But this was just after announcing that the duty on high-strength white cider would rise, citing “excessive alcohol consumption by vulnerable people” as the reason. |
| Chancellor: Drink is a harmful substance and that’s why we will be raising duty on white cider. Chancellor two minutes later- Also We’ll be cutting duty on wine, whiskey, and gin 👍 - #middleclass #doublestandards #budget #ridiculous | Chancellor: Drink is a harmful substance and that’s why we will be raising duty on white cider. Chancellor two minutes later- Also We’ll be cutting duty on wine, whiskey, and gin 👍 - #middleclass #doublestandards #budget #ridiculous |
| Announcing that he was increasing air passenger duty on premium-class tickets and private jets, Hammond muttered “sorry Lewis” – a reference to the F1 champion Lewis Hamilton, who was recently revealed to have avoided paying European taxes on his private jet. | Announcing that he was increasing air passenger duty on premium-class tickets and private jets, Hammond muttered “sorry Lewis” – a reference to the F1 champion Lewis Hamilton, who was recently revealed to have avoided paying European taxes on his private jet. |
| 2017 will be better... | 2017 will be better... |
| A post shared by Lewis Hamilton (@lewishamilton) on Dec 30, 2016 at 10:40am PST | A post shared by Lewis Hamilton (@lewishamilton) on Dec 30, 2016 at 10:40am PST |
| At one point, Hammond boasted: “Don’t let anyone say I don’t know how to show the country a good time.” | At one point, Hammond boasted: “Don’t let anyone say I don’t know how to show the country a good time.” |
| This wasn’t, alas, a self-congratulatory reference to his own performance at the dispatch box. Rather, it was a slightly sarcastic take on an announcement that more maths schools would be introduced around the country. | This wasn’t, alas, a self-congratulatory reference to his own performance at the dispatch box. Rather, it was a slightly sarcastic take on an announcement that more maths schools would be introduced around the country. |
| young people: please mr chancellor, may we have some housin-philip hammond [beating graduate repeatedly in face with calculator]: LET THEM EAT MATHS | young people: please mr chancellor, may we have some housin-philip hammond [beating graduate repeatedly in face with calculator]: LET THEM EAT MATHS |
| Still, as one spoof account on Twitter pointed out, things aren’t what they used to be with budgets, are they? | Still, as one spoof account on Twitter pointed out, things aren’t what they used to be with budgets, are they? |
| Retweet if you remember the 1992 Budget being cancelled because a prankster had put a duck in Norman Lamont's big red box! #Budget #NormanLamont #DuckPrank pic.twitter.com/pwe9g68prL | Retweet if you remember the 1992 Budget being cancelled because a prankster had put a duck in Norman Lamont's big red box! #Budget #NormanLamont #DuckPrank pic.twitter.com/pwe9g68prL |
| Budget 2017 (November) | |
| Philip Hammond | |
| House of Commons | |
| news | |
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