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| Version 3 | Version 4 |
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| David Davis hits rock bottom and then keeps falling over Brexit vote | David Davis hits rock bottom and then keeps falling over Brexit vote |
| (about 10 hours later) | |
| Dim David played hurt and angry as he gave an undertaking to uphold the previous undertaking he had already given | |
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| Thu 26 Oct 2017 15.21 BST | |
| Last modified on Mon 27 Nov 2017 14.49 GMT | |
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| David Davis doesn’t do contrition. Finding himself on the Commons naughty step and up against an urgent question asking him to clarify his remarks to the Brexit select committee the previous day, in which he had said that parliament might only get a vote on Britain’s withdrawal after we had already left the EU, his first instinct was to lash out. | David Davis doesn’t do contrition. Finding himself on the Commons naughty step and up against an urgent question asking him to clarify his remarks to the Brexit select committee the previous day, in which he had said that parliament might only get a vote on Britain’s withdrawal after we had already left the EU, his first instinct was to lash out. |
| Cue hurt and angry face. The Brexit secretary couldn’t understand why his Thursday morning lie-in had been curtailed. Why couldn’t everybody just be a little more trusting and take him at his word? It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t very bright. He was only doing his best and everyone deserved a break now and again. | Cue hurt and angry face. The Brexit secretary couldn’t understand why his Thursday morning lie-in had been curtailed. Why couldn’t everybody just be a little more trusting and take him at his word? It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t very bright. He was only doing his best and everyone deserved a break now and again. |
| “We have been very clear,” he began, adopting the prime minister’s nervous tic of appealing to clarity when she is hellbent on confusing the issue. There would be a vote. Probably. He fully expected there to be one, and it remained the government’s intention to allow one before Britain left the EU. But. But things might run over. He started talking to his feet at this point so the implications of this were left hanging. | “We have been very clear,” he began, adopting the prime minister’s nervous tic of appealing to clarity when she is hellbent on confusing the issue. There would be a vote. Probably. He fully expected there to be one, and it remained the government’s intention to allow one before Britain left the EU. But. But things might run over. He started talking to his feet at this point so the implications of this were left hanging. |
| Keir Starmer got to his feet and sighed. How to put this to someone who was so obviously hopelessly out of his depth? Best to try a bit of straight talking. “What a mess,” he despaired. First the Brexit secretary said one thing to the select committee and then his own department had been forced to correct him with a statement that still left room for confusion. Intent, confidence and expectation were all very well, but what parliament needed was a firm commitment that it would have a meaningful vote. What bit of the word assurance did the minister not understand? | Keir Starmer got to his feet and sighed. How to put this to someone who was so obviously hopelessly out of his depth? Best to try a bit of straight talking. “What a mess,” he despaired. First the Brexit secretary said one thing to the select committee and then his own department had been forced to correct him with a statement that still left room for confusion. Intent, confidence and expectation were all very well, but what parliament needed was a firm commitment that it would have a meaningful vote. What bit of the word assurance did the minister not understand? |
| Most of it, as it happened. Davis was prepared to give a cast-iron undertaking for everything except for the bits that were plastic. He repeated intent and expectation several times without spelling out the implications of a deal only being reached after March 2019. It’s only just dawned on the government that the EU can sign off on a deal at its leisure and that the time pressure is all on the UK. | Most of it, as it happened. Davis was prepared to give a cast-iron undertaking for everything except for the bits that were plastic. He repeated intent and expectation several times without spelling out the implications of a deal only being reached after March 2019. It’s only just dawned on the government that the EU can sign off on a deal at its leisure and that the time pressure is all on the UK. |
| Davis wasn’t just getting it in the neck from the Labour benches. Tory backbenchers Dominic Grieve and Nicky Morgan also weighed in. Not allowing parliament any meaningful vote was not just unconstitutional but flew in the face of rationality. Why couldn’t he just accept the amendment to the EU withdrawal bill calling for parliament’s right to a vote to be enshrined in statute? | Davis wasn’t just getting it in the neck from the Labour benches. Tory backbenchers Dominic Grieve and Nicky Morgan also weighed in. Not allowing parliament any meaningful vote was not just unconstitutional but flew in the face of rationality. Why couldn’t he just accept the amendment to the EU withdrawal bill calling for parliament’s right to a vote to be enshrined in statute? |
| “We are deadly serious about this,” Morgan said with menace. It’s beginning to look as if the Conservative remainers have finally begun to lose patience with the idiots in charge of the Brexit asylum and are prepared to vote with Labour against the government on key amendments. | “We are deadly serious about this,” Morgan said with menace. It’s beginning to look as if the Conservative remainers have finally begun to lose patience with the idiots in charge of the Brexit asylum and are prepared to vote with Labour against the government on key amendments. |
| Forced on to the defensive, Davis became steadily more monosyllabic and belligerent. He wouldn’t be accepting any amendments because it was his bill and he liked it just the way it was. So there. | Forced on to the defensive, Davis became steadily more monosyllabic and belligerent. He wouldn’t be accepting any amendments because it was his bill and he liked it just the way it was. So there. |
| Besides, he had been perfectly clear – those words again – that he had already given an undertaking to uphold the previous undertaking he had already given. Which was to give parliament a vote that was in no way meaningful as it didn’t allow the Commons to send the government back to the negotiating table in search of a better deal. Only to crash out with no deal. A bad deal and no deal were the only choices parliament was to be given. | Besides, he had been perfectly clear – those words again – that he had already given an undertaking to uphold the previous undertaking he had already given. Which was to give parliament a vote that was in no way meaningful as it didn’t allow the Commons to send the government back to the negotiating table in search of a better deal. Only to crash out with no deal. A bad deal and no deal were the only choices parliament was to be given. |
| By now, several MPs were getting fed up. They’d heard Davis promise so many different things at various times over the past year that they didn’t think they could trust him anymore. Even if he was to give a firm undertaking, how could anyone believe him? “I’ve given an undertaking,” Dim David muttered, absently. | By now, several MPs were getting fed up. They’d heard Davis promise so many different things at various times over the past year that they didn’t think they could trust him anymore. Even if he was to give a firm undertaking, how could anyone believe him? “I’ve given an undertaking,” Dim David muttered, absently. |
| Labour’s Barry Sheerman tried to extend an olive branch by saying he understood the problems the Brexit secretary faced in trying to keep the warring “nest of vipers” in his own party onside. As if to prove the point, Tories Matt Warman, Peter Bone and Philip Hollobone all stood up to insist they didn’t really care what kind of Brexit the country got just so long as it got a Brexit. Though a painful one would undoubtedly be preferable. | Labour’s Barry Sheerman tried to extend an olive branch by saying he understood the problems the Brexit secretary faced in trying to keep the warring “nest of vipers” in his own party onside. As if to prove the point, Tories Matt Warman, Peter Bone and Philip Hollobone all stood up to insist they didn’t really care what kind of Brexit the country got just so long as it got a Brexit. Though a painful one would undoubtedly be preferable. |
| Davis walked out of the Commons looking irritable. All the fun had long since gone out of his job. All that was left was thankless, hard graft. Not his strongest suit. Worse still, his credibility had just taken another bad hit. It can’t be too long before there’s none left. Strange to think it feels like we’re already reaching rock bottom when there’s still so much further to fall. | Davis walked out of the Commons looking irritable. All the fun had long since gone out of his job. All that was left was thankless, hard graft. Not his strongest suit. Worse still, his credibility had just taken another bad hit. It can’t be too long before there’s none left. Strange to think it feels like we’re already reaching rock bottom when there’s still so much further to fall. |
| John Crace’s new book, I, Maybot, is published by Guardian Faber. To order a copy for £6.99, saving £3, go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over £10, online orders only. Phone orders min. p&p of £1.99. | John Crace’s new book, I, Maybot, is published by Guardian Faber. To order a copy for £6.99, saving £3, go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over £10, online orders only. Phone orders min. p&p of £1.99. |
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