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You can find the current article at its original source at https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/aug/31/living-on-breadline-makes-me-cry-affects-children-childhood-unaffordable-luxuty
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| Living on the breadline makes me cry. I dread to think how it affects my children | Living on the breadline makes me cry. I dread to think how it affects my children |
| (11 days later) | |
| Children are at their unhappiest since 2010. This headline, from the Good Childhood Report, was one I glanced over at first. I rolled my eyes a little bit. Children have never had it so good, what with all their human rights, better life chances, better health. They have it all, right? | Children are at their unhappiest since 2010. This headline, from the Good Childhood Report, was one I glanced over at first. I rolled my eyes a little bit. Children have never had it so good, what with all their human rights, better life chances, better health. They have it all, right? |
| Wrong. | Wrong. |
| The report states that young people are worried – scared – about a plethora of things we adults wouldn’t expect to blip on their radar. Most shocking, perhaps, is that 36% of young people worry about their parents being able to pay the bills. A third have financial worries before even reaching adulthood. That should be a wake-up call to those with the power to change things. | The report states that young people are worried – scared – about a plethora of things we adults wouldn’t expect to blip on their radar. Most shocking, perhaps, is that 36% of young people worry about their parents being able to pay the bills. A third have financial worries before even reaching adulthood. That should be a wake-up call to those with the power to change things. |
| We tell them to get on with being kids. How easy is that, if they happen to be living in a homeless shelter? | We tell them to get on with being kids. How easy is that, if they happen to be living in a homeless shelter? |
| It makes me think back to the many times my children have gone without in order for us to put money on the electric; haven’t moaned (too loudly) at the thought of having fusilli twists with tomato and herb sauce for their dinner (again). I try to hide how bad things can be. All parents do. | It makes me think back to the many times my children have gone without in order for us to put money on the electric; haven’t moaned (too loudly) at the thought of having fusilli twists with tomato and herb sauce for their dinner (again). I try to hide how bad things can be. All parents do. |
| But the children have seen me and my husband working, and working hard – struggling to scrape together enough money to keep going for another month. They’ve seen me crying down the phone to my mum, even though I try to hide in the bathroom, begging for £20 to put on the gas card, because it’s all been used again, and this week I’ve already put £25 on the damned thing, and my God, it has a mind of its own and it’s trying to bleed me dry! | But the children have seen me and my husband working, and working hard – struggling to scrape together enough money to keep going for another month. They’ve seen me crying down the phone to my mum, even though I try to hide in the bathroom, begging for £20 to put on the gas card, because it’s all been used again, and this week I’ve already put £25 on the damned thing, and my God, it has a mind of its own and it’s trying to bleed me dry! |
| They’ve seen me trying to make a meal out of three spring onions and a cup of rice. They’ve heard me talking to their dad, trying to work out a way to get through the next seven days with only £8.90 in my purse. (Spoiler alert – it can’t be done, however much I try. It won’t even cover the bus fare to school for my youngest daughter.) | They’ve seen me trying to make a meal out of three spring onions and a cup of rice. They’ve heard me talking to their dad, trying to work out a way to get through the next seven days with only £8.90 in my purse. (Spoiler alert – it can’t be done, however much I try. It won’t even cover the bus fare to school for my youngest daughter.) |
| They see, and they hear. Children are sponges. That they take notice is demonstrated in small, yet significant, ways. Picking up Tesco value products, as though other brands don’t exist. Not telling me about school trips, because they know I will try to find a way for them to go – however much I will have to go without so that they don’t have to. My youngest is trying to convince me her school shirts (£10 each, only available from the school shop) will last her one more year. They won’t, but she’s adamant they will, which means I’ll sneakily buy new ones to replace those hanging in her wardrobe – she will never know. But of course she will. | They see, and they hear. Children are sponges. That they take notice is demonstrated in small, yet significant, ways. Picking up Tesco value products, as though other brands don’t exist. Not telling me about school trips, because they know I will try to find a way for them to go – however much I will have to go without so that they don’t have to. My youngest is trying to convince me her school shirts (£10 each, only available from the school shop) will last her one more year. They won’t, but she’s adamant they will, which means I’ll sneakily buy new ones to replace those hanging in her wardrobe – she will never know. But of course she will. |
| And I will never know the amount of times their friends haven’t been invited to our house, because it’s cold, or because we don’t even have squash; who wants to invite friends over and not be able to offer them drinks? I will never know all their schemes to make money – I only hear the finalised plans, which are worthy of Del Boy, and mean more to me than the kids will ever realise. Their empathy astounds me. But why should they be even having to think of ways to help us put food on the table? | And I will never know the amount of times their friends haven’t been invited to our house, because it’s cold, or because we don’t even have squash; who wants to invite friends over and not be able to offer them drinks? I will never know all their schemes to make money – I only hear the finalised plans, which are worthy of Del Boy, and mean more to me than the kids will ever realise. Their empathy astounds me. But why should they be even having to think of ways to help us put food on the table? |
| Children see everything, however much we try to hide bad stuff from them. They’re living the struggle alongside us. For children living in poverty, there is a weight of fear we dismiss too easily. | Children see everything, however much we try to hide bad stuff from them. They’re living the struggle alongside us. For children living in poverty, there is a weight of fear we dismiss too easily. |
| We tell them not to worry, leave it to the grown-ups, get on with being children. How easy is that, if they happen to be living in a homeless shelter? If their stomachs are empty and they’re too tired to focus at school? How can they play freely when they know their parents aren’t so much keeping the wolves from the door, as standing on the doorstep begging the wolves not to come closer? | We tell them not to worry, leave it to the grown-ups, get on with being children. How easy is that, if they happen to be living in a homeless shelter? If their stomachs are empty and they’re too tired to focus at school? How can they play freely when they know their parents aren’t so much keeping the wolves from the door, as standing on the doorstep begging the wolves not to come closer? |
| There are no picnics and bike rides with friends in the country. No endless summer days filled with costly activities | There are no picnics and bike rides with friends in the country. No endless summer days filled with costly activities |
| For these children, the reality they know is a lot different to the one we like to imagine. There are no food-filled picnics and bike rides with friends in the country. No endless summer days filled with costly activities and ice creams. No latest fashions and gadgets. There’s just today, and then there will be tomorrow, which experience tells them will be no better. No different. No easier. Children aren’t as daft as adults would like to think. | For these children, the reality they know is a lot different to the one we like to imagine. There are no food-filled picnics and bike rides with friends in the country. No endless summer days filled with costly activities and ice creams. No latest fashions and gadgets. There’s just today, and then there will be tomorrow, which experience tells them will be no better. No different. No easier. Children aren’t as daft as adults would like to think. |
| Yes, they’re resilient. Kids tend to bend where adults snap under the strain. But for their mental wellbeing, something needs to be done. A third of children shouldn’t have to worry about bills, groceries, and eviction. I’m sure that worry has scarred my own children, regardless of how hard I’ve tried to protect them. They live in fear of losing the little we’ve got. Security, when you’re living on the poverty line, is an illusion. And so, maybe, is childhood. | Yes, they’re resilient. Kids tend to bend where adults snap under the strain. But for their mental wellbeing, something needs to be done. A third of children shouldn’t have to worry about bills, groceries, and eviction. I’m sure that worry has scarred my own children, regardless of how hard I’ve tried to protect them. They live in fear of losing the little we’ve got. Security, when you’re living on the poverty line, is an illusion. And so, maybe, is childhood. |
| • Kathleen Kerridge is an author of LGBT fantasy fiction, including the Searching for Eden series | • Kathleen Kerridge is an author of LGBT fantasy fiction, including the Searching for Eden series |
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| Opinion | Opinion |
| Children | Children |
| Child protection | Child protection |
| Mental health | Mental health |
| Inequality | Inequality |
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