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| To hell with sympathetic sexism. ‘Busy mums’ don’t need your patronising help | To hell with sympathetic sexism. ‘Busy mums’ don’t need your patronising help |
| (7 months later) | |
| We have learned to think critically about obviously biased statements – but against prejudice dressed up as kindness, we are more defenceless• Sian Townson is a biomedical scientist | |
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| Thu 13 Jul 2017 10.54 BST | |
| Last modified on Tue 8 Aug 2017 19.35 BST | |
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| Sometimes a rule is merely implied by its exceptions – that’s what the exception that proves the rule actually means. “No swimming outside the flags” tells you it’s OK to swim between the flags. “Closed Sundays” means “Open Monday to Saturday”. | Sometimes a rule is merely implied by its exceptions – that’s what the exception that proves the rule actually means. “No swimming outside the flags” tells you it’s OK to swim between the flags. “Closed Sundays” means “Open Monday to Saturday”. |
| A Royal Society campaign telling you that “women can be scientists, engineers and mathematicians too” tells you that most of the time, scientists, engineers and mathematicians aren’t women. | A Royal Society campaign telling you that “women can be scientists, engineers and mathematicians too” tells you that most of the time, scientists, engineers and mathematicians aren’t women. |
| This week the BBC Radio 4’s Today programme reported research on how hard it is for “busy mums”, with one in five unable to find time to bake a birthday cake and similar numbers failing to cook an evening meal from scratch, take on a PTA role, or attend school plays or sports days. Not one mention of the dads. They’re not, of course, implying that five out of five fathers are already on it, merely that more than four out of five mothers should be able to. | This week the BBC Radio 4’s Today programme reported research on how hard it is for “busy mums”, with one in five unable to find time to bake a birthday cake and similar numbers failing to cook an evening meal from scratch, take on a PTA role, or attend school plays or sports days. Not one mention of the dads. They’re not, of course, implying that five out of five fathers are already on it, merely that more than four out of five mothers should be able to. |
| To be fair, this “research” was a poll for a company called Sanctuary Spa; it can be forgiven for focusing on its target consumers: women. Simplified for the purposes of reporting, it reduces both women and science. But it’s unlikely that anyone in the production of this news snippet thought they were being anything but supportive to mothers. | To be fair, this “research” was a poll for a company called Sanctuary Spa; it can be forgiven for focusing on its target consumers: women. Simplified for the purposes of reporting, it reduces both women and science. But it’s unlikely that anyone in the production of this news snippet thought they were being anything but supportive to mothers. |
| The trouble is that when we try to be sympathetic, our sexism and prejudices shine through and are reinforced. Just as artificial intelligence learns our racial and gender biases from our language, so do we. | The trouble is that when we try to be sympathetic, our sexism and prejudices shine through and are reinforced. Just as artificial intelligence learns our racial and gender biases from our language, so do we. |
| Women and girls are often exposed to such questions as: does your father help your mum with the cleaning? Or statements such as: girls can like Lego too; or, if my wife needs me to take the kids, she only has to ask. We might think critically about an obviously biased or malicious statement – but against this kindness we are more defenceless. | Women and girls are often exposed to such questions as: does your father help your mum with the cleaning? Or statements such as: girls can like Lego too; or, if my wife needs me to take the kids, she only has to ask. We might think critically about an obviously biased or malicious statement – but against this kindness we are more defenceless. |
| In a recent article about a betting company’s dispute the Daily Telegraph described the company’s founder and chief executive, the billionaire Denise Coates CBE, as “Ms Coates, 49, a mother of five”. They chose to underline and hyperlink a reference to her father’s position as a football club chairman, despite having reported in the preceding sentence her £117.5m annual income, making that not even the most interesting thing about her in that paragraph alone. | In a recent article about a betting company’s dispute the Daily Telegraph described the company’s founder and chief executive, the billionaire Denise Coates CBE, as “Ms Coates, 49, a mother of five”. They chose to underline and hyperlink a reference to her father’s position as a football club chairman, despite having reported in the preceding sentence her £117.5m annual income, making that not even the most interesting thing about her in that paragraph alone. |
| The term benevolent sexism was proposed in the 1990s, for a non-hostile form of prejudice: still damaging, still stereotyping men as dominant and capable, women as nurturing and intuitive, but supportive of those as positive traits and of the people who stick to them. This well-intentioned sexism is much harder to call out. By accepting these role definitions, inadvertently supporting this form of sexism, we make an unfair system easier to bear. Sadly, though, we also reinforce and strengthen this model of the world. | The term benevolent sexism was proposed in the 1990s, for a non-hostile form of prejudice: still damaging, still stereotyping men as dominant and capable, women as nurturing and intuitive, but supportive of those as positive traits and of the people who stick to them. This well-intentioned sexism is much harder to call out. By accepting these role definitions, inadvertently supporting this form of sexism, we make an unfair system easier to bear. Sadly, though, we also reinforce and strengthen this model of the world. |
| An early retirement age for women; segregated school sports, chess leagues and maths results; “positive discrimination”: all quietly perpetuate the idea that women are weaker and in need of support. | An early retirement age for women; segregated school sports, chess leagues and maths results; “positive discrimination”: all quietly perpetuate the idea that women are weaker and in need of support. |
| Years on, the glass ceiling has evolved to accommodate our raised awareness, and benevolent sexism has subtly progressed into sympathetic sexism. Women are locked in a glass case between “I’ll protect you” and “don’t be so sensitive”, with their objections seeming overreactive and out of place. | Years on, the glass ceiling has evolved to accommodate our raised awareness, and benevolent sexism has subtly progressed into sympathetic sexism. Women are locked in a glass case between “I’ll protect you” and “don’t be so sensitive”, with their objections seeming overreactive and out of place. |
| As an engineering lecturer, I was asked to lead a women’s support group for female students – supporting them with nothing other than being female. “Isn’t it great,” we say, “that there are so many female lecturers/female executives/female computer scientists?” It would be great if we could drop the world female and call them lecturers/executives/computer scientists without making it seem weird that someone hired a female. | As an engineering lecturer, I was asked to lead a women’s support group for female students – supporting them with nothing other than being female. “Isn’t it great,” we say, “that there are so many female lecturers/female executives/female computer scientists?” It would be great if we could drop the world female and call them lecturers/executives/computer scientists without making it seem weird that someone hired a female. |
| It is damaging because we’re echoing the surprise that a woman achieved something deemed masculine: the exception that proves the rule. | It is damaging because we’re echoing the surprise that a woman achieved something deemed masculine: the exception that proves the rule. |
| We need to spot this in ourselves, and point it out in others. I wince every time someone says, “Good for you” when I say I’m an engineering PhD, as if my choice of numeracy necessarily included a desire to smash the patriarchy. | We need to spot this in ourselves, and point it out in others. I wince every time someone says, “Good for you” when I say I’m an engineering PhD, as if my choice of numeracy necessarily included a desire to smash the patriarchy. |
| If you’re reading this thinking either, “Not another feminist rant” or “Good for her, fight that oppression,” then you’re characterising me as a woman who needed to smash something, rather than a scientist with an interest in biases, who sees this as one of the most pervasive biases around today. Either way, we need to look further. | If you’re reading this thinking either, “Not another feminist rant” or “Good for her, fight that oppression,” then you’re characterising me as a woman who needed to smash something, rather than a scientist with an interest in biases, who sees this as one of the most pervasive biases around today. Either way, we need to look further. |
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