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| Is an old fool so much worse than a young one? Let’s ask Vince Cable | Is an old fool so much worse than a young one? Let’s ask Vince Cable |
| (8 days later) | |
| After Vince Cable announced his Lib Dem candidacy, mathematicians were quick, as they generally are not when younger people put themselves forward, to calculate what this would, in the event of his victory, make the average age of our three party leaders: 67. The trio’s combined age – widely considered another telling figure when more than one older person is present – would be 202. | After Vince Cable announced his Lib Dem candidacy, mathematicians were quick, as they generally are not when younger people put themselves forward, to calculate what this would, in the event of his victory, make the average age of our three party leaders: 67. The trio’s combined age – widely considered another telling figure when more than one older person is present – would be 202. |
| Which is older than the combined age of the Queen and Prince Philip (187), and yet younger than the combined ages – 241 – of BBC favourites David Attenborough (91), David Dimbleby (78) and John Simpson (72), a figure that, put in a historical context, would take a time traveller back to 1776, still a good 13 years before the French Revolution. | Which is older than the combined age of the Queen and Prince Philip (187), and yet younger than the combined ages – 241 – of BBC favourites David Attenborough (91), David Dimbleby (78) and John Simpson (72), a figure that, put in a historical context, would take a time traveller back to 1776, still a good 13 years before the French Revolution. |
| If this still leaves our leaders disconcertingly young for anyone who prefers senior politicians to be, ideally, significantly older than a Rolling Stone (combined age: 293), Cable’s seniority was more widely perceived, last week, to be a downside less forgivable than his catastrophic disposal of the Post Office. An ally of Jo Swinson (37), a possible future rival, had this message for anyone approaching Vince’s time of life: shut it. “I think this is a next generation thing,” the younger person said. “I don’t think you go from the dad to the grandad. You want a generational shift.” No word of Grandma, nor yet of leaders who are non-parents, but this is the Lib Dems. | If this still leaves our leaders disconcertingly young for anyone who prefers senior politicians to be, ideally, significantly older than a Rolling Stone (combined age: 293), Cable’s seniority was more widely perceived, last week, to be a downside less forgivable than his catastrophic disposal of the Post Office. An ally of Jo Swinson (37), a possible future rival, had this message for anyone approaching Vince’s time of life: shut it. “I think this is a next generation thing,” the younger person said. “I don’t think you go from the dad to the grandad. You want a generational shift.” No word of Grandma, nor yet of leaders who are non-parents, but this is the Lib Dems. |
| Gerontophobia unites Borisites concerned for Davis’s wellbeing and haters of “senile dinosaur” Michael Heseltine | Gerontophobia unites Borisites concerned for Davis’s wellbeing and haters of “senile dinosaur” Michael Heseltine |
| As similar observations resounded, more or less politely, around studios and social media (“Get these old farts out”), it was never completely clear what, precisely, makes a possible leader of 74, in possession of both wits and health – like Cable – so infinitely worse than a young fart. Whatever the age objection is, it is clearly, to judge by a Johnson supporter, already established as the revised never-had-children. “Age is not a barrier,” said the friend, for all the world as if this, rather than idiocy, were David Davis’s fatal flaw, “but he is nearly 70. You have to look at that as a factor.” But that’s assuming aversion to age, of itself, is not, as Age UK and countless over 60-year-olds often insist, still widely considered a perfectly respectable prejudice. | As similar observations resounded, more or less politely, around studios and social media (“Get these old farts out”), it was never completely clear what, precisely, makes a possible leader of 74, in possession of both wits and health – like Cable – so infinitely worse than a young fart. Whatever the age objection is, it is clearly, to judge by a Johnson supporter, already established as the revised never-had-children. “Age is not a barrier,” said the friend, for all the world as if this, rather than idiocy, were David Davis’s fatal flaw, “but he is nearly 70. You have to look at that as a factor.” But that’s assuming aversion to age, of itself, is not, as Age UK and countless over 60-year-olds often insist, still widely considered a perfectly respectable prejudice. |
| Gerontophobia unites Borisites concerned for Davis’s wellbeing and Brexit-minded haters of “senile dinosaur” Michael Heseltine, with progressive young humorists and their below-the-line supporters, for whom (“fat” and “ugly” being trickier to deploy these days) the insult that cannot be improved by the prefix “old” has yet to be invented. | Gerontophobia unites Borisites concerned for Davis’s wellbeing and Brexit-minded haters of “senile dinosaur” Michael Heseltine, with progressive young humorists and their below-the-line supporters, for whom (“fat” and “ugly” being trickier to deploy these days) the insult that cannot be improved by the prefix “old” has yet to be invented. |
| How old would such people like Vince Cable to be, supposing he could do something about it? The same age as Boris Johnson, 53? Given the stripling can’t deal with simple questions on his party’s manifesto? (It would be a help, anyway if, on his next Today programme outing, Mishal Husain – 44 – could ask Johnson to try counting backwards.) The same age as Michael Gove, 49? | How old would such people like Vince Cable to be, supposing he could do something about it? The same age as Boris Johnson, 53? Given the stripling can’t deal with simple questions on his party’s manifesto? (It would be a help, anyway if, on his next Today programme outing, Mishal Husain – 44 – could ask Johnson to try counting backwards.) The same age as Michael Gove, 49? |
| The environment minister’s youthfulness perhaps offsets his growing tendency to sound confused and forgetful about the recent past, even if it cannot explain a series of inappropriate decisions so inconsistent with his academic qualifications that they now make him a target for every energy supplier in the country, his grip on “higher” as opposed to “lower” prices also being in question. Or the same age as David Cameron (50)? The early retiree indisputably proved, with help from energetic colleagues George Osborne (46) and Sir Craig Oliver (48), that youth and vigour can devastate a country almost within a year, and still find time for box sets. | The environment minister’s youthfulness perhaps offsets his growing tendency to sound confused and forgetful about the recent past, even if it cannot explain a series of inappropriate decisions so inconsistent with his academic qualifications that they now make him a target for every energy supplier in the country, his grip on “higher” as opposed to “lower” prices also being in question. Or the same age as David Cameron (50)? The early retiree indisputably proved, with help from energetic colleagues George Osborne (46) and Sir Craig Oliver (48), that youth and vigour can devastate a country almost within a year, and still find time for box sets. |
| If Cameron is reported to be struggling in retirement, not merely with basic writing tasks but with accelerating displays of disinhibition that few would have anticipated just months ago, this might accord with studies showing a connection between early retirement and a decline in fluid intelligence. It could reassure Cable’s opponents, in fact, if they can forgive visible signs of ageing no young person would tolerate on their own face, that continuation in the labour force may have protected his cognitive function, even as it obviously infuriates younger colleagues. | If Cameron is reported to be struggling in retirement, not merely with basic writing tasks but with accelerating displays of disinhibition that few would have anticipated just months ago, this might accord with studies showing a connection between early retirement and a decline in fluid intelligence. It could reassure Cable’s opponents, in fact, if they can forgive visible signs of ageing no young person would tolerate on their own face, that continuation in the labour force may have protected his cognitive function, even as it obviously infuriates younger colleagues. |
| In fact, the one persuasive objection to Cable on account of his age – as opposed to the indelible black mark of his Post Office sell-off – is surely his self-interest, after almost a decade’s pension eligibility, in wanting yet more years at the very top of his profession: here’s another boomer who sees no reason, ever, to budge. | In fact, the one persuasive objection to Cable on account of his age – as opposed to the indelible black mark of his Post Office sell-off – is surely his self-interest, after almost a decade’s pension eligibility, in wanting yet more years at the very top of his profession: here’s another boomer who sees no reason, ever, to budge. |
| Then again, Cable is only four years over the age until which, the World Economic Forum has suggested, everyone will ultimately, like it or not, have to work. To persecute Grandad for not self-euthanising is, for restless Lib Dem tormentors, to prefigure that unlikely-seeming future in which they, too, nearing 70, will not escape banter about their grey hairs and technical incompetence, their dottiness and probable incontinence, along with the underlying assumption that they have – along with accusations yet to be invented – ruined everything from housing to British films. Before the Lib Dem vote, incidentally, Cable might want to take a moment, as part of the featureless mass of “seniors”, to apologise for his part in Hampstead, the ghastly-sounding Diane Keaton vehicle created for the Brigitte Macron (64) generation, much deplored by that of Mr Macron (39). | Then again, Cable is only four years over the age until which, the World Economic Forum has suggested, everyone will ultimately, like it or not, have to work. To persecute Grandad for not self-euthanising is, for restless Lib Dem tormentors, to prefigure that unlikely-seeming future in which they, too, nearing 70, will not escape banter about their grey hairs and technical incompetence, their dottiness and probable incontinence, along with the underlying assumption that they have – along with accusations yet to be invented – ruined everything from housing to British films. Before the Lib Dem vote, incidentally, Cable might want to take a moment, as part of the featureless mass of “seniors”, to apologise for his part in Hampstead, the ghastly-sounding Diane Keaton vehicle created for the Brigitte Macron (64) generation, much deplored by that of Mr Macron (39). |
| Naturally, Cable’s pretext for political resurrection is all to do with experience, a case the staggering misjudgments of Dad-aged colleagues, including the hopeless Farron (47), have recently made more plausible. A maximum age for parliamentarians might spare rivals from Vince Cable, along with other largely unmourned revenants, but it would also have denied us Corbyn’s new career in hugging and, it might be argued by the Remain-minded, more useful contributions from Ken Clarke (76) and Lord Heseltine (84) – who was last week denounced as “obsolete” by David Cameron’s father-in-law, Viscount Astor, a hereditary peer aged 65. | Naturally, Cable’s pretext for political resurrection is all to do with experience, a case the staggering misjudgments of Dad-aged colleagues, including the hopeless Farron (47), have recently made more plausible. A maximum age for parliamentarians might spare rivals from Vince Cable, along with other largely unmourned revenants, but it would also have denied us Corbyn’s new career in hugging and, it might be argued by the Remain-minded, more useful contributions from Ken Clarke (76) and Lord Heseltine (84) – who was last week denounced as “obsolete” by David Cameron’s father-in-law, Viscount Astor, a hereditary peer aged 65. |
| Without encouraging the ageism Cable has encountered, some sort of basic behavioural test, as demanded by many conventional organisations, could be quite as effective as a maximum age in keeping individuals such as Astor, Johnson and the cognitively unqualified of all types away from legislative responsibilities for which they are, for whatever reason, unfit. Thousands of less privileged workers sit situational judgment tests in order to serve in workplaces where fellow employees, as well as the public, need protection from conduct – dishonesty, say, laziness, arrogance, evasiveness, abusive language, the refusal to think things through – that, being common in Westminster, has brought us low. | Without encouraging the ageism Cable has encountered, some sort of basic behavioural test, as demanded by many conventional organisations, could be quite as effective as a maximum age in keeping individuals such as Astor, Johnson and the cognitively unqualified of all types away from legislative responsibilities for which they are, for whatever reason, unfit. Thousands of less privileged workers sit situational judgment tests in order to serve in workplaces where fellow employees, as well as the public, need protection from conduct – dishonesty, say, laziness, arrogance, evasiveness, abusive language, the refusal to think things through – that, being common in Westminster, has brought us low. |
| “You are the foreign secretary,” Boris Johnson might ideally have been asked, among other things, before being offered the job. “A BBC interviewer asks you a question you are unable to answer. Rank these possible responses from one to four: (a) Talk over further questions while your adviser texts a response. Your interviewer will be too stupid to notice. (b) Tell the interviewer to get stuffed. (c) Ask a close friend to have the interviewer beaten up afterwards (d) Point out that you are only 53 – unlike David Davis.” | “You are the foreign secretary,” Boris Johnson might ideally have been asked, among other things, before being offered the job. “A BBC interviewer asks you a question you are unable to answer. Rank these possible responses from one to four: (a) Talk over further questions while your adviser texts a response. Your interviewer will be too stupid to notice. (b) Tell the interviewer to get stuffed. (c) Ask a close friend to have the interviewer beaten up afterwards (d) Point out that you are only 53 – unlike David Davis.” |