By Greig Watson BBC News Hugh Bonneville's Professor Parton is dubbed a "human Google""There is always something down there," says serious but sexy archaeologist Dr Gillian Magwilde (Julie Graham) at the start of the new digger drama Bonekickers.
By Greig Watson BBC News Hugh Bonneville's Professor Parton is dubbed a "human Google""There is always something down there," says serious but sexy archaeologist Dr Gillian Magwilde (Julie Graham) at the start of the new digger drama Bonekickers.
"Oh no there isn't," she should be told.
"Oh no there isn't," she should be told.
No prime time series about anything is going to do serious justice to the real world. Was Morse an accurate take on police work? Is Casualty a good snapshot of the NHS? But Bonekickers is baloney of a timeless kind.
No prime time series about anything is going to do serious justice to the real world. Was Morse an accurate take on police work? Is Casualty a good snapshot of the NHS? But Bonekickers is baloney of a timeless kind.
Archaeology has always had a patina of glamour that most other "ologies" would give their left test tube for. From the real life Howard "King Tut" Carter to the protruding pixels of Lara Croft, the combination of mystery and treasure has managed to sell books, cinema tickets and university courses for decades.
Archaeology has always had a patina of glamour that most other "ologies" would give their left test tube for. From the real life Howard "King Tut" Carter to the protruding pixels of Lara Croft, the combination of mystery and treasure has managed to sell books, cinema tickets and university courses for decades.
This mystifies a lot of those who actually do the job. I took a degree in archaeology and worked on excavations in the UK and abroad for five years.
This mystifies a lot of those who actually do the job. I took a degree in archaeology and worked on excavations in the UK and abroad for five years.
Dead people's rubbish
Dead people's rubbish
Sure it is fascinating, in a nerdy sort of way, but glamorous? It's not the word that springs to mind as you squelch towards a chilly shed, scraping as much 13th Century cesspit as possible from under your fingernails before you munch a cheap sausage roll pretending to be lunch.
Sure it is fascinating, in a nerdy sort of way, but glamorous? It's not the word that springs to mind as you squelch towards a chilly shed, scraping as much 13th Century cesspit as possible from under your fingernails before you munch a cheap sausage roll pretending to be lunch.
Adrian Lester has called Bonekickers "CSI meets Indiana Jones"Truth be told, cesspits rate as a highlight. Most modern archaeology is of the "rescue" variety. Making sure sites are clear ahead of building work - digging holes with nothing in them.
Adrian Lester has called Bonekickers "CSI meets Indiana Jones"Truth be told, cesspits rate as a highlight. Most modern archaeology is of the "rescue" variety. Making sure sites are clear ahead of building work - digging holes with nothing in them.
In dictionary terms, archaeology is the study of past human activity through its material remains - in effect, going through dead people's rubbish.
In dictionary terms, archaeology is the study of past human activity through its material remains - in effect, going through dead people's rubbish.
Mark Lester's little speech about "layers" is basically true, if delivered with a reverential intensity that would get him put away somewhere secure.
Adrian Lester's little speech about "layers" is basically true, if delivered with a reverential intensity that would get him put away somewhere secure.
Field excavation deals in stratigraphy, the idea that some activities leaves a trace and those traces (a wall, a fireplace, a mud floor) generally stack up to make a heap.
Field excavation deals in stratigraphy, the idea that some activities leaves a trace and those traces (a wall, a fireplace, a mud floor) generally stack up to make a heap.
That heap can be pulled apart from the top down, effectively going back in time, activity by activity, event by event.
That heap can be pulled apart from the top down, effectively going back in time, activity by activity, event by event.
Julie Graham plays a serious but glamorous archaelologist
Julie Graham plays a serious but glamorous archaelologist
What it doesn't do so well on is detecting eye-catching little incidents like ambushes in woods or somebody being nailed to a tree.
What it doesn't do so well on is detecting eye-catching little incidents like ambushes in woods or somebody being nailed to a tree.
So that's the opening ploy of Bonekickers. If you want to grab the archaeological attention of the world, then mention religion. It worked for the super-archaeologist Indiana Jones.
So that's the opening ploy of Bonekickers. If you want to grab the archaeological attention of the world, then mention religion. It worked for the super-archaeologist Indiana Jones.
And our new heroes have found what could be a bit of the cross.
And our new heroes have found what could be a bit of the cross.
Now how likely is that? Considering the Romans (and a few other empires) used crucifixion like we use Asbos, the chances of finding a significant cross are tiny.
Now how likely is that? Considering the Romans (and a few other empires) used crucifixion like we use Asbos, the chances of finding a significant cross are tiny.
And despite its popularity, the evidence for how it was carried out is slight - a handful of vague literary references, a couple of clumsy drawings and a controversial skeleton or two. So no-one really knows what a cross looked like, or even if there was a single design.
And despite its popularity, the evidence for how it was carried out is slight - a handful of vague literary references, a couple of clumsy drawings and a controversial skeleton or two. So no-one really knows what a cross looked like, or even if there was a single design.
Plus the first Christian Romans turned the Jerusalem area upside down in the search for relics a thousand years before those pesky Templars turned up.
Plus the first Christian Romans turned the Jerusalem area upside down in the search for relics a thousand years before those pesky Templars turned up.
Chunky jumpers
Chunky jumpers
Roman communities built many crosses, Greig Watson arguesDozens of digital channels and the evergreen Time Team mean the public are more savvy to what real excavations look like.
Roman communities built many crosses, Greig Watson arguesDozens of digital channels and the evergreen Time Team mean the public are more savvy to what real excavations look like.
Bonekickers certainly ticks some of these boxes, with neat trenches, heaps of dirt and students in chunky jumpers. But the rest is like being sold archaeology by a motivational speaker.
Bonekickers certainly ticks some of these boxes, with neat trenches, heaps of dirt and students in chunky jumpers. But the rest is like being sold archaeology by a motivational speaker.
When Dr Magwilde purrs "Looks like we have a medieval riddle - so let's solve it!" you expect the diggers to high five and start whooping.
When Dr Magwilde purrs "Looks like we have a medieval riddle - so let's solve it!" you expect the diggers to high five and start whooping.
Dirt is brushed off skeletons and swords like dust in a furniture polish commercial, rather than mud being scraped from different coloured mud and splinters of pot being scrubbed with an old tooth brush.
Dirt is brushed off skeletons and swords like dust in a furniture polish commercial, rather than mud being scraped from different coloured mud and splinters of pot being scrubbed with an old tooth brush.
The writers - Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah - have Life of Mars to show they can make a wacky idea work but in Bonekickers, for every gem like "This is Dolly, think of him as Google with a beer gut," there was a cringeworthy "Come on, give up your secrets."
The writers - Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah - have Life of Mars to show they can make a wacky idea work but in Bonekickers, for every gem like "This is Dolly, think of him as Google with a beer gut," there was a cringeworthy "Come on, give up your secrets."
A lot of archaeology is done with a mechanical digger, a bit is done with a paint brush and much is done in a dusty storeroom.
A lot of archaeology is done with a mechanical digger, a bit is done with a paint brush and much is done in a dusty storeroom.
None, however is done in a chic apartment in Bath being pursued by swordsmen in fetching templar T-shirts.
None, however is done in a chic apartment in Bath being pursued by swordsmen in fetching templar T-shirts.
But its representation of a troublesome, sensationalist journalists - that is just bang on.
But its representation of a troublesome, sensationalist journalists - that is just bang on.
Bonekickers airs on Tuesdays at 2100 BST on BBC One.
Bonekickers airs on Tuesdays at 2100 BST on BBC One.
Did you see Bonekickers? What do you think? Do you agree with Greig? Let us know using the form below.
Did you see Bonekickers? What do you think? Do you agree with Greig? Let us know using the form below.
It's difficult being a field archaeologist. If we're not fighting off religious orders its dealing with ancient evil from the dawn of time. I long for the days when i get the chance to write up an artefacts catalogue. Seriously though I expected no more than sub-Dan Brown rubbish and I got it in abundance. If an archaeologists career is in ruins from the start it doesn't bode well for this series.Stephen Gilmore, Belfast
It's difficult being a field archaeologist. If we're not fighting off religious orders its dealing with ancient evil from the dawn of time. I long for the days when i get the chance to write up an artefacts catalogue. Seriously though I expected no more than sub-Dan Brown rubbish and I got it in abundance. If an archaeologists career is in ruins from the start it doesn't bode well for this series.Stephen Gilmore, Belfast
It could have been so good, I'm not averse to silliness but the cartoon characters and plot were just too cringeworthy. Someone should have told the scriptwriters to try again with just a dash of realism!Liz, Ivybridge, Devon
It could have been so good, I'm not averse to silliness but the cartoon characters and plot were just too cringeworthy. Someone should have told the scriptwriters to try again with just a dash of realism!Liz, Ivybridge, Devon
Grieg Watson certainly has the background to warrent a comment on this show but seriously now - do you HAVE to take it so seriously. Why can't you just take it all with a pinch of salt! It's an entertainment programme - not a factual documentary after all! James Barnett, Bristol
Grieg Watson certainly has the background to warrent a comment on this show but seriously now - do you HAVE to take it so seriously. Why can't you just take it all with a pinch of salt! It's an entertainment programme - not a factual documentary after all! James Barnett, Bristol
I thought the programme was awful. A desperate attempt to make an archaeology based drama into some kind of CSI. It was embarrassing to watch and I turned it off 20 mins into the programme. Not only was the background music far too dramatic to what was actually going on but the acting was over done for the script. Daft storyline. Hopefully this will only last one series at least Holby City and Casualty are a little more realistic.PJ, Reading
I thought the programme was awful. A desperate attempt to make an archaeology based drama into some kind of CSI. It was embarrassing to watch and I turned it off 20 mins into the programme. Not only was the background music far too dramatic to what was actually going on but the acting was over done for the script. Daft storyline. Hopefully this will only last one series at least Holby City and Casualty are a little more realistic.PJ, Reading
It was truly awful. The line in the first scene "lets dig" rather set the tone for the whole hour. What a shame as I really like the cast and I expected more from the BBC.Sarah, Heathfield, East Sussex
It was truly awful. The line in the first scene "lets dig" rather set the tone for the whole hour. What a shame as I really like the cast and I expected more from the BBC.Sarah, Heathfield, East Sussex
I enjoyed the programme and am interested in learning more about archaeology - though Greig obviously wants to deter people from this profession. Of course, as a drama programme, it plays to a certain audience and ought to be taken with a pinch of salt. I think programmes like this and Time Team that encourage an interest in history and archaeology should be encouraged. Chris, Oxford, UK
I enjoyed the programme and am interested in learning more about archaeology - though Greig obviously wants to deter people from this profession. Of course, as a drama programme, it plays to a certain audience and ought to be taken with a pinch of salt. I think programmes like this and Time Team that encourage an interest in history and archaeology should be encouraged. Chris, Oxford, UK
I managed to watch the first ten minutes of the series before I had to turn over, it was dire. As has been said in the interview we've all watched Time Team, well everyone except the set and costume designers for this series. Getting the small details right helps set a series, something you would have thought the writers knew about after Life on Mars, but no we have Adrian Lester climbing out a trench in a brand new leather jacket in the first scene, not a hi-vis jacket or hard hat in sight. Artifacts wrenched out of the ground rather than carefully dug out. Truly awful, this series should be buried in a trench itself.Steve Short, Hull
I managed to watch the first ten minutes of the series before I had to turn over, it was dire. As has been said in the interview we've all watched Time Team, well everyone except the set and costume designers for this series. Getting the small details right helps set a series, something you would have thought the writers knew about after Life on Mars, but no we have Adrian Lester climbing out a trench in a brand new leather jacket in the first scene, not a hi-vis jacket or hard hat in sight. Artifacts wrenched out of the ground rather than carefully dug out. Truly awful, this series should be buried in a trench itself.Steve Short, Hull
I lost interest and switched off after about 10 minutes, funnily enough just after the "give up your secrets" quote! Sad, as I had high hopes it would be a cross between Time Team and Waking the Dead, not Blue Peter and Hetty Wainthrop...Sara Luck, Oxford, England
I lost interest and switched off after about 10 minutes, funnily enough just after the "give up your secrets" quote! Sad, as I had high hopes it would be a cross between Time Team and Waking the Dead, not Blue Peter and Hetty Wainthrop...Sara Luck, Oxford, England
mildly enjoyable tosh!Ru, Bristol
mildly enjoyable tosh!Ru, Bristol
I haven't laughed so much in ages! What a load of utter tosh. I expected so much more from Pharoah and Graham, but this was dire. Less, BBC - much, much less!Michelle, Retford, UK
I haven't laughed so much in ages! What a load of utter tosh. I expected so much more from Pharoah and Graham, but this was dire. Less, BBC - much, much less!Michelle, Retford, UK
