A couple are complaining to the Church of England after their noisy toddler was ordered out of their wedding. But more and more couples are banning children altogether... risking the wrath of family and friends as they do.
A couple are complaining to the Church of England after their noisy toddler was ordered out of their wedding. But more and more couples are banning children altogether... risking the wrath of family and friends as they do.
All brides want their wedding day to be perfect - no rain, no family rows and no spots.
All brides want their wedding day to be perfect - no rain, no family rows and no spots.
But what about noisy kids? While some believe youngsters add to the happiness of the occasion, others envision wedding vows drowned out by screams.
But what about noisy kids? While some believe youngsters add to the happiness of the occasion, others envision wedding vows drowned out by screams.
An Anglican vicar took a dim view of a toddler at a wedding service in Staffordshire and ordered its removal from the church. But it wasn't any old toddler, it was the son of the bride and groom, who have complained to the Church of England.
A vicar took a dim view of a toddler at a wedding service in Staffordshire and ordered his removal from the church. But it wasn't any old toddler, he was the son of the bride and groom, who have complained to the Church of England.
One of the first dilemmas that bridal couples must grapple with is the guest list and invariably the "kids or no kids" question has to be answered. We do more than 200 weddings a year and the last seven were all saying 'no children' Barry LongWedding planner
One of the first dilemmas that bridal couples must grapple with is the guest list and invariably the "kids or no kids" question has to be answered. We do more than 200 weddings a year and the last seven were all saying 'no children' Barry LongWedding planner
Barry Long has been a wedding planner since 1974 and he says it wasn't much of an issue until about 10 years ago. Now he estimates about half of weddings stipulate that children are not allowed.
Barry Long has been a wedding planner since 1974 and he says it wasn't much of an issue until about 10 years ago. Now he estimates about half of weddings stipulate that children are not allowed.
"It's definitely become more prevalent. We do more than 200 weddings a year and the last seven were all saying 'no children'. I think it's because children are more disruptive than they used to be and brides are worried they will ruin their day."
"It's definitely become more prevalent. We do more than 200 weddings a year and the last seven were all saying 'no children'. I think it's because children are more disruptive than they used to be and brides are worried they will ruin their day."
The increasing use of video means that a potentially screaming child is viewed very differently now, he says, but it can cause problems. Close family members may stay away out of protest and some guests react badly when they leave their children at home but see other youngsters there.
The increasing use of video means that a potentially screaming child is viewed very differently now, he says, but it can cause problems. Close family members may stay away out of protest and some guests react badly when they leave their children at home but see other youngsters there.
"It can get really bad and ruin the whole day and that's why I say to brides 'if you're going to do it, do it for everyone'."
"It can get really bad and ruin the whole day and that's why I say to brides 'if you're going to do it, do it for everyone'."
Rifts
Rifts
It's advice that Patrick Boyle has gone against, despite resistance from both sets of in-laws. Only children of close family will be allowed to attend his wedding later this year, because, he says, he and his fiancee want to avoid the event resembling "Disneyworld".
It's advice that Patrick Boyle has gone against, despite resistance from both sets of in-laws. Only children of close family will be allowed to attend his wedding later this year, because, he says, he and his fiancee want to avoid the event resembling "Disneyworld".
"We took the decision that most of our friends would love a weekend without them anyway and this has proven to be the case in the number of people who have replied yes. 'I said no kids and no Time Lords'
"We took the decision that most of our friends would love a weekend without them anyway and this has proven to be the case in the number of people who have replied yes. 'I said no kids and no Time Lords'
"I do think children add to the atmosphere at weddings, and seeing them playing together adds to the happiness of the day. But when there are so many it can get over the top and there's also a cost because catering firms still charge for kids meals as much as adults."
"I do think children add to the atmosphere at weddings, and seeing them playing together adds to the happiness of the day. But when there are so many it can get over the top and there's also a cost because catering firms still charge for kids meals as much as adults."
But such a policy can cause rifts. Rhonda Williams, in her 30s, refused to attend the wedding of a close friend due to a "no children" ban, and their friendship still hasn't recovered.
But such a policy can cause rifts. Rhonda Williams, in her 30s, refused to attend the wedding of a close friend for that reason and their friendship still hasn't recovered.
"The invitation said 'absolutely no children'. It was quite aggressive and there was no explanation. So immediately we were slightly put on the defensive about it."
"The invitation said 'absolutely no children'. It was quite aggressive and there was no explanation. So immediately we were slightly put on the defensive about it."
They arranged childcare but it fell through so they asked the couple if they could bring their two children.
They arranged childcare but it fell through so they asked the couple if they could bring their two children.
"We had no alternative and they knew our children are very well behaved. But the bride was quite unpleasant about it and so I said that on principle I wouldn't go and I stayed at home and looked after the kids."
"We had no alternative and they knew our children are very well behaved. But the bride was quite unpleasant about it and so I said that on principle I wouldn't go and I stayed at home and looked after the kids."
Rhonda thinks brides can become too obsessive about every detail of the day and forget that a responsible parent will remove a disruptive child during a service or speeches.
Rhonda thinks brides can become too obsessive about every detail of the day and forget that a responsible parent will remove a disruptive child during a service or speeches.
Goody bags
Goody bags
Some brides do get carried away, driven by the image of a "perfect" celebrity wedding, says wedding expert Carol Richardson of Confetti. TIPS FOR BRIDE AND GROOM Ask the vicar for his views in advanceExplain reasons in the invitationBe stoical if guests can't attend as a resultIf children are coming, provide toys or entertainment Source: Confetti
Some brides do get carried away, driven by the image of a "perfect" celebrity wedding, says wedding expert Carol Richardson of Confetti. TIPS FOR BRIDE AND GROOM Ask the vicar for his views in advanceExplain reasons in the invitationBe stoical if guests can't attend as a resultIf children are coming, provide toys or entertainment Source: Confetti
"It can split families and it's about respecting each other's wishes, which on an issue like this can be difficult. But you need to get it out in the open early so everyone knows where you stand. And be prepared for a rough ride."
"It can split families and it's about respecting each other's wishes, which on an issue like this can be difficult. But you need to get it out in the open early so everyone knows where you stand. And be prepared for a rough ride."
In the past, mothers played a larger part in the arrangements so family friends were among the guests, she says. But these days, couples are older, they are more likely to be paying for the event and therefore have a clear idea of what day they want.
In the past, mothers played a larger part in the arrangements so family friends were among the guests, she says. But these days, couples are older, they are more likely to be paying for the event and therefore have a clear idea of what day they want.
"They're scared children will ruin it. But others say they're part of the fun. So there are two camps here."
"They're scared children will ruin it. But others say they're part of the fun. So there are two camps here."
There's no right and wrong answer, says Darren Noel, director of website Hitched. "If you look at it from a lighter perspective, you might only be upsetting a few parents by not inviting their children, but children could upset all of your wedding guests if they are not well behaved. The decision is completely up to the bride and groom-to-be." In this country children are treated like a hindrance Julie Smith
There's no right and wrong answer, says Darren Noel, director of website Hitched. "If you look at it from a lighter perspective, you might only be upsetting a few parents by not inviting their children, but children could upset all of your wedding guests if they are not well behaved. The decision is completely up to the bride and groom-to-be." In this country children are treated like a hindrance Julie Smith
Julie Smith, 49, made her wedding child-centric by providing goody bags, giving them roles in the ceremony and starting the disco with music for the youngsters. The children's meals were junk food-free and each table had children on it.
Julie Smith, 49, made her wedding child-centric by providing goody bags, giving them roles in the ceremony and starting the disco with music for the youngsters. The children's meals were junk food-free and each table had children on it.
"I am constantly dismayed by the brides who don't want kids at their wedding as they will spoil the day. I think in this country children are treated like a hindrance and we still take the attitude 'children should be seen and not heard.'"
"I am constantly dismayed by the brides who don't want kids at their wedding as they will spoil the day. I think in this country children are treated like a hindrance and we still take the attitude 'children should be seen and not heard.'"
And whatever views you hold now, it could change when you become a parent. Catherine Lewis had a "no children" policy at her wedding more than 10 years ago, but now the mother-of-three regrets it.
And whatever views you hold now, it could change when you become a parent. Catherine Lewis had a "no children" policy at her wedding more than 10 years ago, but now the mother-of-three regrets it.
"I look back and think how mean we were. How hard would it have been to have organised a room at the reception where we could have had a bit of childcare care and entertainment for the young ones?
"I look back and think how mean we were. How hard would it have been to have organised a room at the reception where we could have had a bit of childcare care and entertainment for the young ones?
"After all a wedding is a family occasion. The thought of us saying 'no children' now makes me feel awful."
"After all a wedding is a family occasion. The thought of us saying 'no children' now makes me feel awful."
Some names of interviewees were changed at their request.
Some names of interviewees were changed at their request.
Add your comments on this story, using the form below.
Add your comments on this story, using the form below.
We have two reasons why we have decided on a 'ban'. One is the size of the venue. The other is I don't like children! I have none or my own (and don't want any!) and have rather selfishly taken the attitude (although I haven't conveyed this to any guests) that I do not want anybody else's children at our 'big day'. I do not want badly-behaved kiddies running up and down the aisle whilst taking our vows, nor do I want any screaming babies in the background. I also don't want any kiddies running riot and getting bored during the evening reception, and you always get one set of parents who let their kids run wild and do not take any responsibility for them. I want a day where the only tantrums are my own and isn't spoilt by other people's spoilt brats! I sound awful, don't I!? But I'm not, really!! :-) Rachel, UK
We have two reasons why we have decided on a 'ban'. One is the size of the venue. The other is I don't like children! I have none or my own (and don't want any!) and have rather selfishly taken the attitude (although I haven't conveyed this to any guests) that I do not want anybody else's children at our 'big day'. I do not want badly-behaved kiddies running up and down the aisle whilst taking our vows, nor do I want any screaming babies in the background. I also don't want any kiddies running riot and getting bored during the evening reception, and you always get one set of parents who let their kids run wild and do not take any responsibility for them. I want a day where the only tantrums are my own and isn't spoilt by other people's spoilt brats! I sound awful, don't I!? But I'm not, really!! :-) Rachel, UK
I remember being banned from a wedding because I was a child - at age 15. I was quite hurt. At another wedding, when I was 14, I wasn't given a cash handout which went round all the children - because I wasn't a child anymore. Some folk just can't win!Jackie, Edinburgh
I remember being banned from a wedding because I was a child - at age 15. I was quite hurt. At another wedding, when I was 14, I wasn't given a cash handout which went round all the children - because I wasn't a child anymore. Some folk just can't win!Jackie, Edinburgh
I'd be more likely to turn down a wedding invitation if it DIDN'T say "no children". All they add is noise and distraction.Andy Towler, Malta
I'd be more likely to turn down a wedding invitation if it DIDN'T say "no children". All they add is noise and distraction.Andy Towler, Malta
Yes it's mean and awful but it's the bride and groom's day not a day out for your family. I would have banned them if I had not run off to Las Vegas to avoid having to make these kind of decisions! Rachel, Doncaster
Yes it's mean and awful but it's the bride and groom's day not a day out for your family. I would have banned them if I had not run off to Las Vegas to avoid having to make these kind of decisions! Rachel, Doncaster
