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Bringing down the House: Hammond's five best budget jokes Bringing down the house: Hammond's five best budget jokes
(35 minutes later)
Philip Hammond showed he had a sense of humour when he presented his first budget – lacing his speech on the state of Britain’s economy with a number of jokes.Philip Hammond showed he had a sense of humour when he presented his first budget – lacing his speech on the state of Britain’s economy with a number of jokes.
The chancellor had MPs in stitches, even though Jeremy Corbyn may well have not been one of them. And even Theresa May was seen giving a hearty laugh on Wednesday. Here we pick our five favourite gags from the chancellor’s speech: The chancellor had MPs in stitches, even though Jeremy Corbyn may well have not been laughing along. And even Theresa May was seen giving a hearty laugh on Wednesday. Here we pick our five favourite gags from the chancellor’s speech:
On Norman Lamont getting sackedOn Norman Lamont getting sacked
The Treasury has helpfully reminded me that I am not the first chancellor to announce the last spring budget. Twenty-four years ago, Norman Lamont also presented what was billed then as the last spring budget. … The then prime minister described it as the right budget, at the right time, from the right chancellor. What they failed to remind me of, Mr Speaker, was that 10 weeks later, he was sacked. The Treasury has helpfully reminded me that I am not the first chancellor to announce the last spring budget. Twenty-four years ago, Norman Lamont also presented what was billed then as the last spring budget … The then prime minister described it as the right budget, at the right time, from the right chancellor. What they failed to remind me of, Mr Speaker, was that 10 weeks later, he was sacked.
Comparing Labour to a car without a driverComparing Labour to a car without a driver
Hammond promised Hammond promised:
… £70m to keep the UK at the forefront of disruptive technology such as fire tech, robotics systems and driverless vehicles, a technology I believe the party opposite knows something about… … £70m to keep the UK at the forefront of disruptive technology such as biotech, robotics systems and driverless vehicles, a technology I believe the party opposite knows something about …
On Jeremy Corbyn disappearing down a black holeOn Jeremy Corbyn disappearing down a black hole
A well-functioning market economy is the best way to deliver prosperity and security to working families and the litany of failed attempts at state control of industry by Labour leave no one in any doubt about that.A well-functioning market economy is the best way to deliver prosperity and security to working families and the litany of failed attempts at state control of industry by Labour leave no one in any doubt about that.
Except, apparently, the Right Honourable Gentleman opposite, who is now so far down a black hole that even Stephen Hawking has disowned him. Except, apparently, the right honourable gentleman opposite, who is now so far down a black hole that even Stephen Hawking has disowned him.
On Britain’s troubled relationship with the EU On Labour’s chances of returning to government
Overall, public sector net borrowing as a percentage of GDP is predicted to fall from 3.8% last year to 2.6% this year. Mr Deputy Speaker, a strong economy needs a fair, stable and competitive tax system, creating the growth that will underpin our future prosperity.
And for those who care about such things, it means we are forecast to meet our 3% EU stability and growth pact target this year for the first time in more than a decade. My ambition is for the UK to be the best place in the world to start and grow a business.
But I won’t hold my breath, Mr Deputy Speaker, for my congratulatory letter from Jean-Claude Juncker. Under the last Labour government corporation tax was 28% – by the way, they don’t call it the last Labour government for nothing.
On being upstaged by Theresa May on International Women’s DayOn being upstaged by Theresa May on International Women’s Day
I am delighted to use the occasion of International Women’s Day to announce three additional measures.I am delighted to use the occasion of International Women’s Day to announce three additional measures.
Well, not quite announce them, Mr Deputy Speaker, because my Right Honourable Friend the Prime Minister’s already announced two of them. Well, not quite announce them, Mr Deputy Speaker, because my right honourable friend the prime minister’s already announced two of them.
May replied:May replied:
It’s International Women’s Day!It’s International Women’s Day!