Where’s the most romantic place to propose? Probably your sofa, actually
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Version 0 of 1. It was while watching a repeat of Don’t Tell the Bride, laughing at a groom from Southend who was planning a skydive-themed wedding, that I turned to my partner and said: “Do you want to do this, one day? Not the plane bit, the getting married part. I would really like to. With you. But if you don’t want to, I’d rather be with you than be married. But I’d like to know how you feel.” He laughed: “This is not a very romantic conversation!” Reader, I married him. The actual proposal took place during a tense trip to the seaside. We were engaged to be engaged, and I thought I knew there was a proposal coming until – after a day spent holding my breath – I got to the end of dinner, realised I was drunk and burst into tears, convinced he’d changed his mind. He produced a ring, explaining that the pressure had started to get to him and he’d thought about waiting until we were back at home. So I’m not surprised to learn that, according to a jewellery company’s survey of 1,500 newlyweds, that’s where almost half of all marriage proposals take place – and the question is usually popped in front of the TV. Most modern marriages happen when relationships have already become established. According to Office for National Statistics research, the proportion of cohabiting couples (with and without children) grew by 29.7% between 2004 and 2014, indicating that most of us live together for a while before we think about marriage. In the US, this trend is thought to contribute towards the growing divorce rate, but I say that you should never pledge your troth to someone before observing their attitude towards buying toilet roll. If you’ve set up a home with the person you love, it becomes the space where your relationship grows. It typically has much more personal romantic resonance than Las Vegas, or the top of the Eiffel Tower. I think there’s something tender and true about asking someone to commit to building a life with you when you’re sat in the spot where you nursed each other through a weekend of food poisoning, or discovered your partner will answer every single question on University Challenge about a British composer by shouting: “Vaughan Williams!” This summer we’ve seen a significant number of high-profile public proposals. So far, five Olympic couples have announced an engagement, and the response has been mixed. When rugby sevens player Isadora Cerullo got engaged to girlfriend Marjorie Enya on the pitch, they were praised for putting same-sex marriage in the global spotlight. But when Olympic medallist He Zi received a proposal from her partner in the middle of her medal ceremony, there were arguments that his actions had stolen the spotlight at the defining moment of her career. Whether you thought the grand gestures were an expression of ardour or simply awkward, there’s no doubt that a showy and public proposal puts enormous pressure on both parties. If you fly someone halfway round the world, take them to a very expensive restaurant or pay a string quartet to accompany you while you ask them to be with you forever, you’re putting them in a position in which they might feel obliged to come up with a positive answer. Asking someone to marry you when they’re sat next to you on the sofa means they have the mental and physical space to reflect on the question and give an honest response. Passion, drama and fireworks, literal and figurative, can make a relationship more exciting. Yet I believe true love comes when you’re with the one person you adore doing nothing with. If you start with an elaborate, expensive proposal, you’re setting the bar very high. Anyone can seem fun and thrilling if they’re sending you endless roses and whisking you away in helicopters. It’s much harder to find a person who can make you as happy just by sharing a takeaway with you. Every sofa has a history, and if yours can tell your love story, I think it might be the most romantic place possible to ask your partner to marry you. |