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| Obviously you know what I’m about to say … | |
| (about 9 hours later) | |
| Mark Tanzer, chief executive of the Association of British Travel Agents, has my sympathy. For the last few days, he will have been deafened by cries of “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” Not literally deafened, I don’t suppose. He may already be deaf for all I know. I certainly haven’t checked – but it’s statistically unlikely. | Mark Tanzer, chief executive of the Association of British Travel Agents, has my sympathy. For the last few days, he will have been deafened by cries of “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” Not literally deafened, I don’t suppose. He may already be deaf for all I know. I certainly haven’t checked – but it’s statistically unlikely. |
| Maybe I should have said “swamped”. But then you can’t be swamped by cries, even in a metaphor. I suppose you could be swamped by tears. Theoretically. Though I doubt it’s ever happened to a human. Some of those tiny hopping flies have probably come a cropper to a tsunami of grief or sadness that coincided with a meal they were attempting to share. Mealtimes can be stressful. Particularly at Christmas. But then there aren’t many of those hopping flies around at Christmas. | Maybe I should have said “swamped”. But then you can’t be swamped by cries, even in a metaphor. I suppose you could be swamped by tears. Theoretically. Though I doubt it’s ever happened to a human. Some of those tiny hopping flies have probably come a cropper to a tsunami of grief or sadness that coincided with a meal they were attempting to share. Mealtimes can be stressful. Particularly at Christmas. But then there aren’t many of those hopping flies around at Christmas. |
| 'Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?!' is as diminishing and unanswerable as 'Look what you’ve done now!' | 'Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?!' is as diminishing and unanswerable as 'Look what you’ve done now!' |
| Except I was forgetting about the southern hemisphere as usual – hi guys, hope this hasn’t woken you. Yes, the tears and spluttering of fractious, sun-drenched (not literally – it’s heat and light, not liquid) Australian family Christmases must be a deathtrap for the antipodean equivalent of those little hopping flies. Which are venomous and have pouches, for all I know. I certainly haven’t checked. | Except I was forgetting about the southern hemisphere as usual – hi guys, hope this hasn’t woken you. Yes, the tears and spluttering of fractious, sun-drenched (not literally – it’s heat and light, not liquid) Australian family Christmases must be a deathtrap for the antipodean equivalent of those little hopping flies. Which are venomous and have pouches, for all I know. I certainly haven’t checked. |
| So why will Mark Tanzer be drowning in the blinding light of this heart-stopping chorus of “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” The main reason is that, last week, he said something publicly. “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” is the knee-jerk response to anyone saying anything in public. | So why will Mark Tanzer be drowning in the blinding light of this heart-stopping chorus of “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” The main reason is that, last week, he said something publicly. “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you!?” is the knee-jerk response to anyone saying anything in public. |
| Not always specifically that phrase, I should add for the benefit of those currently suffering from a pedantic itch (try a corn plaster and lots of talc), but responses that basically mean that. At last the effects of the new GCSE history syllabus of the late 1980s are kicking in. Increasingly people are asking themselves why a certain person has said a certain thing, and are no longer as easily convinced that the answer is “because it’s true”. This is good news – everyone’s questioning their sources. The only irritant is that they’re often questioning them directly on social media. | Not always specifically that phrase, I should add for the benefit of those currently suffering from a pedantic itch (try a corn plaster and lots of talc), but responses that basically mean that. At last the effects of the new GCSE history syllabus of the late 1980s are kicking in. Increasingly people are asking themselves why a certain person has said a certain thing, and are no longer as easily convinced that the answer is “because it’s true”. This is good news – everyone’s questioning their sources. The only irritant is that they’re often questioning them directly on social media. |
| Julius Caesar never had to deal with thousands of personal messages complaining that his accounts of victories in Gaul were unconfirmed by the Gauls, and seemed designed more to advance his own career than exhaustively document a complex conflict. “Oh yeah, you would say that, Julius! But I heard the Gauls were a pushover and you got lucky with the weather!” never popped up on the great man’s phone when he was trying to look up the price of slaves. He may not even have had a phone – I certainly haven’t checked. So Caesar went to his stabbing (I checked) blissfully unaware of the cynical clamour of posterity. | Julius Caesar never had to deal with thousands of personal messages complaining that his accounts of victories in Gaul were unconfirmed by the Gauls, and seemed designed more to advance his own career than exhaustively document a complex conflict. “Oh yeah, you would say that, Julius! But I heard the Gauls were a pushover and you got lucky with the weather!” never popped up on the great man’s phone when he was trying to look up the price of slaves. He may not even have had a phone – I certainly haven’t checked. So Caesar went to his stabbing (I checked) blissfully unaware of the cynical clamour of posterity. |
| That’s not how it works these days, as Mark Tanzer will have discovered. Anyone who says anything loud enough to be heard above the hashtags is immediately and repeatedly informed that they only said that because they’re them. It’s a difficult point to refute. We are all who we are. Getting an objective view on things outside our own selves is impossible, except for those people who claim they remember looking down on their own bodies soon after being given an anaesthetic, and could see objects on the top of cupboards. Though I’ve never heard such a person say they felt a greater political objectivity in those moments – even as they stared down at their unconscious forms, they remained just as likely to vote to minimise their tax burden. | That’s not how it works these days, as Mark Tanzer will have discovered. Anyone who says anything loud enough to be heard above the hashtags is immediately and repeatedly informed that they only said that because they’re them. It’s a difficult point to refute. We are all who we are. Getting an objective view on things outside our own selves is impossible, except for those people who claim they remember looking down on their own bodies soon after being given an anaesthetic, and could see objects on the top of cupboards. Though I’ve never heard such a person say they felt a greater political objectivity in those moments – even as they stared down at their unconscious forms, they remained just as likely to vote to minimise their tax burden. |
| “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?!” is as diminishing and unanswerable as “Look what you’ve done now!” “Bloody you, with that youness of yours which, as you’ve long suspected, everyone else hates. You. You would say that.” What can you say in response? Only something else that you would say. And you can’t deny that you would say the first thing. Because not only would you say it, you actually have said it. Of all the almost infinite variety of phrases that, given the right circumstances, you would say, this offending one belongs to the minority that you already have. | “Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?!” is as diminishing and unanswerable as “Look what you’ve done now!” “Bloody you, with that youness of yours which, as you’ve long suspected, everyone else hates. You. You would say that.” What can you say in response? Only something else that you would say. And you can’t deny that you would say the first thing. Because not only would you say it, you actually have said it. Of all the almost infinite variety of phrases that, given the right circumstances, you would say, this offending one belongs to the minority that you already have. |
| You may have guessed that this tirade is inspired by the fact that I stated online which way I was going to vote in last week’s referendum. In quite mild terms, I thought. I didn’t, except by implication, even advocate voting that way. I won’t restate here which way it was because, as I was told seconds later, I would vote that way so there was no point mentioning it. Mentioning it was just annoying to all those who didn’t need reminding of all the shitty things which I, being me, would do. It was not an opinion, it didn’t come from reason or conviction, it was simply an inescapable and lamentable consequence of the creature I am, like a skunk’s stink. That was the view of a fair proportion of respondents who planned to vote the other way. So, you know… they would say that. | You may have guessed that this tirade is inspired by the fact that I stated online which way I was going to vote in last week’s referendum. In quite mild terms, I thought. I didn’t, except by implication, even advocate voting that way. I won’t restate here which way it was because, as I was told seconds later, I would vote that way so there was no point mentioning it. Mentioning it was just annoying to all those who didn’t need reminding of all the shitty things which I, being me, would do. It was not an opinion, it didn’t come from reason or conviction, it was simply an inescapable and lamentable consequence of the creature I am, like a skunk’s stink. That was the view of a fair proportion of respondents who planned to vote the other way. So, you know… they would say that. |
| Related: Caitlin Moran: 'social media is like a baby screaming and throwing tantrums' | Related: Caitlin Moran: 'social media is like a baby screaming and throwing tantrums' |
| I was expecting this response, so I didn’t much mind – but it wasn’t what you’d call uplifting. So when I read that the chief executive of the Association of British Travel Agents had told a conference that he was worried about the impact on Barcelona and Florence of increased visitor numbers caused by websites such as Airbnb, I managed to cut off my instinctive response at the “Well…” Because maybe he is worried. Maybe, when he says “You can see the strain not just on the tourist experience but on the actual fabric of the city and on the residents there”, he’s being completely sincere. | I was expecting this response, so I didn’t much mind – but it wasn’t what you’d call uplifting. So when I read that the chief executive of the Association of British Travel Agents had told a conference that he was worried about the impact on Barcelona and Florence of increased visitor numbers caused by websites such as Airbnb, I managed to cut off my instinctive response at the “Well…” Because maybe he is worried. Maybe, when he says “You can see the strain not just on the tourist experience but on the actual fabric of the city and on the residents there”, he’s being completely sincere. |
| Obviously he’s also worried about the loss of market share that travel agents are suffering, and is keen for more regulation of how properties are informally sub-let. But maybe his view is not just a protectionist desire to shore up his own association, but also a genuine fear for the tourist experience and a warning that, if Airbnb remains unchecked, the world’s beauty spots will be wrecked and tourism will, as he put it, “kill tourism”. | Obviously he’s also worried about the loss of market share that travel agents are suffering, and is keen for more regulation of how properties are informally sub-let. But maybe his view is not just a protectionist desire to shore up his own association, but also a genuine fear for the tourist experience and a warning that, if Airbnb remains unchecked, the world’s beauty spots will be wrecked and tourism will, as he put it, “kill tourism”. |
| So he has my sympathy as he tries to cope, like so many people at the moment, with the impact of an online juggernaut on his way of life. What he said may indeed have just been what a man in his position inevitably would. But that doesn’t make it any more dishonest than someone shouting “Help!” | So he has my sympathy as he tries to cope, like so many people at the moment, with the impact of an online juggernaut on his way of life. What he said may indeed have just been what a man in his position inevitably would. But that doesn’t make it any more dishonest than someone shouting “Help!” |