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What It Feels Like to Use the Wrong Bathroom What It Feels Like to Use the Wrong Bathroom
(about 13 hours later)
Chattanooga, Tenn. — I AM a trans woman, meaning I identify as a woman rather than the sex I was assigned at birth. I transitioned all at once in 2013 while working at a call center; one day I came in a man, and the next I came in a woman. Things went well at first, with co-workers taking it in stride and customers reading my voice as female, but then one of my bosses demanded to speak with me. CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — I AM a trans woman, meaning I identify as a woman rather than the sex I was assigned at birth. I transitioned all at once in 2013 while working at a call center; one day I came in a man, and the next I came in a woman. Things went well at first, with co-workers taking it in stride and customers reading my voice as female, but then one of my bosses demanded to speak with me.
She wanted to talk about bathrooms.She wanted to talk about bathrooms.
“Have you had the surgery?” she asked. (Have you ever talked about your genitals with a superior at work? It’s not exactly a party.) I told her no. “Well, then, you’ll have to use the men’s until you do. We can’t risk a lawsuit.”“Have you had the surgery?” she asked. (Have you ever talked about your genitals with a superior at work? It’s not exactly a party.) I told her no. “Well, then, you’ll have to use the men’s until you do. We can’t risk a lawsuit.”
I headed to the men’s room, where I waited for the solitary stall to open up. I considered going all punk rock, hiking up my skirt at a urinal and flipping off any man who looked at me funny. But there is probably no meeker creature on earth than a newly transitioned woman.I headed to the men’s room, where I waited for the solitary stall to open up. I considered going all punk rock, hiking up my skirt at a urinal and flipping off any man who looked at me funny. But there is probably no meeker creature on earth than a newly transitioned woman.
The man who emerged from the stall looked at me as if I were a jug of spoiled milk. I waited on the toilet until the bathroom was empty again, but as soon as I started washing my hands, another man entered. He looked at me for a long time and then made a beeline for the urinal next to the sink, inches away from me, his stare never breaking.The man who emerged from the stall looked at me as if I were a jug of spoiled milk. I waited on the toilet until the bathroom was empty again, but as soon as I started washing my hands, another man entered. He looked at me for a long time and then made a beeline for the urinal next to the sink, inches away from me, his stare never breaking.
There was a lot of turnover at this job, so every two weeks a fresh batch of employees seemed to come in. This meant that every two weeks new men would come into the bathroom, assume they’d accidentally entered the women’s room when they saw me there, and then glare at me when they figured it out. Some insisted that I was in the wrong place — until they realized what I was, and got really angry. It got so bad that I stopped going to the bathroom at work altogether, and I developed urinary tract infections. So then I stopped drinking water before and during work.There was a lot of turnover at this job, so every two weeks a fresh batch of employees seemed to come in. This meant that every two weeks new men would come into the bathroom, assume they’d accidentally entered the women’s room when they saw me there, and then glare at me when they figured it out. Some insisted that I was in the wrong place — until they realized what I was, and got really angry. It got so bad that I stopped going to the bathroom at work altogether, and I developed urinary tract infections. So then I stopped drinking water before and during work.
This happened in Tennessee, where I have lived for most of my life. The law here doesn’t bar me from using the women’s room, though not for politicians’ lack of trying. In 2012, State Senator Bo Watson, a Republican, who represents the county where I was born and still live, introduced a “bathroom harassment” bill that would have fined any trans person who used the “wrong” bathroom $50 (though he withdrew his support for the bill shortly after in order to focus on “more pressing issues”). More recently, State Representative Susan Lynn, a Republican, sponsored a bill that would have required that students at public schools and universities use restrooms matching the gender on their birth certificates. That bill was withdrawn in April, about a month before the Obama administration sent a letter to schools telling them to let students use the bathrooms that match their gender identity. (Ms. Lynn said the directive required people to “entertain another’s mental disorder.”)This happened in Tennessee, where I have lived for most of my life. The law here doesn’t bar me from using the women’s room, though not for politicians’ lack of trying. In 2012, State Senator Bo Watson, a Republican, who represents the county where I was born and still live, introduced a “bathroom harassment” bill that would have fined any trans person who used the “wrong” bathroom $50 (though he withdrew his support for the bill shortly after in order to focus on “more pressing issues”). More recently, State Representative Susan Lynn, a Republican, sponsored a bill that would have required that students at public schools and universities use restrooms matching the gender on their birth certificates. That bill was withdrawn in April, about a month before the Obama administration sent a letter to schools telling them to let students use the bathrooms that match their gender identity. (Ms. Lynn said the directive required people to “entertain another’s mental disorder.”)
Whatever the law, I worried my employer would fire me if I disobeyed. Federal civil rights law has been interpreted to protect transgender workers from being dismissed for their gender identity, but I didn’t know that then.Whatever the law, I worried my employer would fire me if I disobeyed. Federal civil rights law has been interpreted to protect transgender workers from being dismissed for their gender identity, but I didn’t know that then.
Similar bathroom laws, of course, are being passed in other states, notably North Carolina and Mississippi. Many of the people who support these laws say they don’t actively hate trans people; their concern is that men will pretend to be trans so they can go into women’s bathrooms and prey on them without women being able to complain about their presence. Some who support these laws have admitted that they themselves would do exactly this. (That tells you more about them than it does trans women, if you ask me.) The thing is, though, this doesn’t actually happen, at least not in any statistically significant way.Similar bathroom laws, of course, are being passed in other states, notably North Carolina and Mississippi. Many of the people who support these laws say they don’t actively hate trans people; their concern is that men will pretend to be trans so they can go into women’s bathrooms and prey on them without women being able to complain about their presence. Some who support these laws have admitted that they themselves would do exactly this. (That tells you more about them than it does trans women, if you ask me.) The thing is, though, this doesn’t actually happen, at least not in any statistically significant way.
After a year, a book deal let me quit my job to write full time. Nobody can harass me for using my own bathroom. In many ways, I have it easier than others: I’m white, and I sort of pass when I’m wearing makeup. I haven’t been assaulted or raped, a common experience for trans people.After a year, a book deal let me quit my job to write full time. Nobody can harass me for using my own bathroom. In many ways, I have it easier than others: I’m white, and I sort of pass when I’m wearing makeup. I haven’t been assaulted or raped, a common experience for trans people.
That doesn’t mean it’s not still an issue when I have to use a public restroom. The fear is still there — that someone will take offense, get angry and attack me, or that I’ll be made to leave a business, that I’ll be accused of sexual misconduct, arrested and sent to men’s jail.That doesn’t mean it’s not still an issue when I have to use a public restroom. The fear is still there — that someone will take offense, get angry and attack me, or that I’ll be made to leave a business, that I’ll be accused of sexual misconduct, arrested and sent to men’s jail.
That’s the main thing I wish the supporters of these laws would realize: We are much more frightened of you than you are of us.That’s the main thing I wish the supporters of these laws would realize: We are much more frightened of you than you are of us.