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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
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| BHS, Ken Livingstone, and dogs in therapy | |
| (about 5 hours later) | |
| Monday | Monday |
| A new study carried out by Dr Stanley Coren, a canine expert and professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, has found that dogs get anxious and stressed out when cuddled. Which can only mean that my own dog, Herbert Hound, is in urgent need of therapy as he regularly volunteers for cuddles. Every morning, he hops on to our bed, places his head on the pillow and waits for either my wife or me to wake up. At the first sign of consciousness, he starts nudging until he has been showered with sufficient love. I should also mention that, as of last Saturday, Herbert Hound is a prize-winning dog, having won third place in the Dog that Looks Most Like Its Owner category at the Abbotswood Road street party – AKA the Streatham Crufts. He missed out on a podium finish in the Dog with the Waggiest Tail category, losing out to a dog that had no observable tail. Robbed. | A new study carried out by Dr Stanley Coren, a canine expert and professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, has found that dogs get anxious and stressed out when cuddled. Which can only mean that my own dog, Herbert Hound, is in urgent need of therapy as he regularly volunteers for cuddles. Every morning, he hops on to our bed, places his head on the pillow and waits for either my wife or me to wake up. At the first sign of consciousness, he starts nudging until he has been showered with sufficient love. I should also mention that, as of last Saturday, Herbert Hound is a prize-winning dog, having won third place in the Dog that Looks Most Like Its Owner category at the Abbotswood Road street party – AKA the Streatham Crufts. He missed out on a podium finish in the Dog with the Waggiest Tail category, losing out to a dog that had no observable tail. Robbed. |
| Tuesday | Tuesday |
| Where’s Zacky? The Conservative campaign for London mayor is going from the hopeless to the surreal. In any normal campaign, a prospective candidate would be trying to get as much publicity as possible. But not Zac Goldsmith. At about 9.30 in the morning, I heard a rumour that Goldsmith and David Cameron were planning to appear together. As the two men disagree on Europe and Heathrow, their event sounded unmissable. I rang the Guardian office to see if anyone there knew anything about it. No they didn’t. I rang colleagues on other papers to see if they knew anything about it. They didn’t either. Eventually I was told that the event had already happened. Why weren’t we invited? “Er … it was a very small guest list.” So small that no one appeared to be on it. You get the feeling this is a campaign the Tories can’t wait to forget. | Where’s Zacky? The Conservative campaign for London mayor is going from the hopeless to the surreal. In any normal campaign, a prospective candidate would be trying to get as much publicity as possible. But not Zac Goldsmith. At about 9.30 in the morning, I heard a rumour that Goldsmith and David Cameron were planning to appear together. As the two men disagree on Europe and Heathrow, their event sounded unmissable. I rang the Guardian office to see if anyone there knew anything about it. No they didn’t. I rang colleagues on other papers to see if they knew anything about it. They didn’t either. Eventually I was told that the event had already happened. Why weren’t we invited? “Er … it was a very small guest list.” So small that no one appeared to be on it. You get the feeling this is a campaign the Tories can’t wait to forget. |
| Wednesday | Wednesday |
| The Russian navy has just bought five bottle-nose dolphins for $26,000, though it refuses to say why other than that the contract stipulated the aquatic mammals must have “all their teeth intact and no mucous in their blow holes”. Quite. For that amount of cash I wouldn’t want a dolphin with gum disease or catarrh. Given that back in the cold war the Soviets were believed to be training dolphins for underwater investigations and planting mines on ships, it seems unlikely that the new Famous Five have been bought as a theme park attraction for retired sailors. The nagging concern for the Russians must be that they can never be certain they haven’t bought a rogue dolphin who is actually an undercover CIA operative and will go swimming around taking out half their own navy. Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures, are unlikely to crack under interrogation and actively enjoy waterboarding. You buy a dolphin and you get a mole. | The Russian navy has just bought five bottle-nose dolphins for $26,000, though it refuses to say why other than that the contract stipulated the aquatic mammals must have “all their teeth intact and no mucous in their blow holes”. Quite. For that amount of cash I wouldn’t want a dolphin with gum disease or catarrh. Given that back in the cold war the Soviets were believed to be training dolphins for underwater investigations and planting mines on ships, it seems unlikely that the new Famous Five have been bought as a theme park attraction for retired sailors. The nagging concern for the Russians must be that they can never be certain they haven’t bought a rogue dolphin who is actually an undercover CIA operative and will go swimming around taking out half their own navy. Dolphins are highly intelligent creatures, are unlikely to crack under interrogation and actively enjoy waterboarding. You buy a dolphin and you get a mole. |
| Thursday | Thursday |
| It was Karl Marx who said “history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce”. Sometimes, though, the two run concurrently. Just when the Labour party was going in to damage-limitation mode over Naz Shah’s antisemitic Facebook posts, up steps Ken Livingstone. The former London mayor is a liability at the best of times, but today he excelled himself. You’d have thought Livingstone would have known he was having a bad day when he started talking about Hitler on Vanessa Feltz’s radio show and called it quits. But no, he then pops up on LBC to say exactly the same thing, where he is attacked by John Mann – Labour’s angriest MP – live on air, before going to hide in a disabled toilet. Brilliant. He’d managed to insult the Jews and the disabled at the same time. It still wasn’t over. Next up, Livingstone then went on to both Sky News and the BBC Daily Politics show to make sure that those few remaining people in the country who hadn’t heard his Hitler theories were given the chance. It really is time the Labour party bought itself five dolphins. | It was Karl Marx who said “history repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce”. Sometimes, though, the two run concurrently. Just when the Labour party was going in to damage-limitation mode over Naz Shah’s antisemitic Facebook posts, up steps Ken Livingstone. The former London mayor is a liability at the best of times, but today he excelled himself. You’d have thought Livingstone would have known he was having a bad day when he started talking about Hitler on Vanessa Feltz’s radio show and called it quits. But no, he then pops up on LBC to say exactly the same thing, where he is attacked by John Mann – Labour’s angriest MP – live on air, before going to hide in a disabled toilet. Brilliant. He’d managed to insult the Jews and the disabled at the same time. It still wasn’t over. Next up, Livingstone then went on to both Sky News and the BBC Daily Politics show to make sure that those few remaining people in the country who hadn’t heard his Hitler theories were given the chance. It really is time the Labour party bought itself five dolphins. |
| Friday | Friday |
| The one piece of good news to come out of BHS going into administration is that Sir Philip Green – and possibly his wife Tina, if she can be forced to give up one of her tax free days to jet in from Monaco – will be hauled in front of a parliamentary select committee to explain why he pocketed hundreds of millions from the company when there was a £571m hole in its pension fund. While much of what happens in the Commons chamber is little more than theatre, select committees are the beating heart of parliamentary democracy where the great, the good and the downright unpleasant are forensically held to account for their actions. They can also be thoroughly entertaining. Recent highlights have included the appearances of Vote Leave’s campaign director, Dominic Cummings, and Leave.EU’s eccentric co-founder, Arron Banks. Their hearings took place separately. Presumably they hate each other so much they can’t bear to be in the same room together. Given a chance Vote Leave would vote to leave itself. | The one piece of good news to come out of BHS going into administration is that Sir Philip Green – and possibly his wife Tina, if she can be forced to give up one of her tax free days to jet in from Monaco – will be hauled in front of a parliamentary select committee to explain why he pocketed hundreds of millions from the company when there was a £571m hole in its pension fund. While much of what happens in the Commons chamber is little more than theatre, select committees are the beating heart of parliamentary democracy where the great, the good and the downright unpleasant are forensically held to account for their actions. They can also be thoroughly entertaining. Recent highlights have included the appearances of Vote Leave’s campaign director, Dominic Cummings, and Leave.EU’s eccentric co-founder, Arron Banks. Their hearings took place separately. Presumably they hate each other so much they can’t bear to be in the same room together. Given a chance Vote Leave would vote to leave itself. |