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Is that a troll under the bridge? No, it’s George Galloway | Is that a troll under the bridge? No, it’s George Galloway |
(35 minutes later) | |
Last weekend I found myself walking along the South Bank near Waterloo when I came across a man pacing up and down in a hat and overcoat, grumbling about the EU. The voice, lightly amplified, was indisputably familiar, but it wasn’t attracting much in the way of attention. I drew closer, not too close – not, you know, eye-contact close – and my suspicions were confirmed: it was George Galloway, ranting like a troll under a bridge. | |
To be fair, the weather had been poor, although it was finally beginning to clear. Had the rain continued, Galloway might have at least expected to attract people interested in sharing the shelter of his bridge. It seemed odd – whatever you think of George Galloway, he’s totally famous – he was on Celebrity Big Brother! If Joey Essex was standing under Waterloo Bridge talking rubbish, people would stop. | To be fair, the weather had been poor, although it was finally beginning to clear. Had the rain continued, Galloway might have at least expected to attract people interested in sharing the shelter of his bridge. It seemed odd – whatever you think of George Galloway, he’s totally famous – he was on Celebrity Big Brother! If Joey Essex was standing under Waterloo Bridge talking rubbish, people would stop. |
Perhaps the London mayoral candidate went on to discuss more polarising issues (he’s campaigning to kick Uber drivers out of London) after I left, but his Lexit routine wasn’t doing much to pique the interest of passersby. “The 28 countries of the European Union are a fading bloc,” he said. “They are not where it’s at. They are not rising; they are falling. The Euro project, always doomed in my opinion, has turned into a disaster waiting to happen.” If anything, it seemed like a speech aimed at keeping pedestrians moving. | |
Galloway was strongly in favour of remaining in the EU not all that long ago. It was the Greek financial crisis, he says, that changed his mind. Their democracy, in his eyes, has been subverted by the deal they’ve struck with the EU. Maybe, but that’s an argument for Greece leaving the EU, not Britain. The general drift of Galloway’s speech that day – that the whole European project is on the verge of collapse anyway, so we might as well get out – felt like someone rewarding me for my complacency. In that case, who cares? In, out, whatever. | Galloway was strongly in favour of remaining in the EU not all that long ago. It was the Greek financial crisis, he says, that changed his mind. Their democracy, in his eyes, has been subverted by the deal they’ve struck with the EU. Maybe, but that’s an argument for Greece leaving the EU, not Britain. The general drift of Galloway’s speech that day – that the whole European project is on the verge of collapse anyway, so we might as well get out – felt like someone rewarding me for my complacency. In that case, who cares? In, out, whatever. |
I stayed until I was handed the same leaflet a second time – the implication being that anyone standing in my spot three minutes after I’d arrived was, by definition, someone else. In a weird way, I felt as if I was being moved on. Nothing to see here, sir. Don’t make us give you a third one. | |
Related: John Lewis apologises to mother told to leave over toddler's tantrum | Related: John Lewis apologises to mother told to leave over toddler's tantrum |
Cereal offender | Cereal offender |
The news that a mother trying to control a toddler in mid-tantrum was asked to leave a Manchester branch of John Lewis – allegedly after a complaint – brought back a lot of sweat-inducing memories of my own children in meltdown. | |
I recall a particular trip to Sainsbury’s with the middle one – he was probably 16 months old – when I rashly took exception to his attempt to shred a full box of cereal. The resulting tantrum lasted for 10 excruciating minutes, and in the middle of it I made the mistake of removing the child from the shopping trolley seat to calm him down. Never do this – once a cross toddler is out of the trolley, he’s not going back in. It’s like trying to push a spider into a test tube. I had to carry him round the whole supermarket while he shouted, “Stupid, stupid breakfast!” in my ear. | |
It wasn’t the tantrum I found so embarrassing – just the very public display of my own incompetence. If someone had asked me to leave at that point, I probably would have thanked them for their permission. All I’d need was a signed note for my wife, explaining why I’d come home empty-handed. | It wasn’t the tantrum I found so embarrassing – just the very public display of my own incompetence. If someone had asked me to leave at that point, I probably would have thanked them for their permission. All I’d need was a signed note for my wife, explaining why I’d come home empty-handed. |
Noises off The one positive thing to come out of all those tantrums past is a complete immunity to noisy infants. As long as it’s not my child crying, it sounds like music to me, even on aeroplanes. I don’t care how badly behaved your kid is, or how incompetent you are, or whether this is the quiet coach. Come on in. I’m just so grateful that your problem is not my problem. | Noises off The one positive thing to come out of all those tantrums past is a complete immunity to noisy infants. As long as it’s not my child crying, it sounds like music to me, even on aeroplanes. I don’t care how badly behaved your kid is, or how incompetent you are, or whether this is the quiet coach. Come on in. I’m just so grateful that your problem is not my problem. |