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Don’t be a wedding list tyrant. Let people buy you what they want (or can afford) Don’t be a wedding list tyrant. Let people buy you what they want (or can afford)
(6 months later)
When I got married, more than 15 years ago, we agonised over whether to make a wedding list. We were already living together and owned perfectly serviceable mugs and wine glasses. Blatantly demanding more household goods seemed, frankly, grasping – particularly when friends were already forking out to stay at a Travelodge.When I got married, more than 15 years ago, we agonised over whether to make a wedding list. We were already living together and owned perfectly serviceable mugs and wine glasses. Blatantly demanding more household goods seemed, frankly, grasping – particularly when friends were already forking out to stay at a Travelodge.
In the end, (because people kept insisting), we cobbled one together that included “a kitten”, “fairylights” and “decent CDs”; things that might add to the general gaiety of life without bankrupting anyone.In the end, (because people kept insisting), we cobbled one together that included “a kitten”, “fairylights” and “decent CDs”; things that might add to the general gaiety of life without bankrupting anyone.
Related: Move over, canteen of cutlery: the wedding list gets adventurous
That slightly cautious, mildly embarrassed approach seems to have been consigned to history. New analysis from John Lewis examines the evolution of the wedding list over the past five years, and the results suggest that we have become a nation of spoilt, demanding Veruca Salts screaming for more.That slightly cautious, mildly embarrassed approach seems to have been consigned to history. New analysis from John Lewis examines the evolution of the wedding list over the past five years, and the results suggest that we have become a nation of spoilt, demanding Veruca Salts screaming for more.
Common on today’s wedding lists are a Sony 65” TV, a Nutribullet, and the Sonos music system. Some couples apparently “have two lists, one for the classic essentials and key investment items and the other for quirky, fun things” says the store’s gift buyer. Why stop at two? Maybe today’s couples should draw up one list of essential technology, one for fun eco-gifts like bee hives and Egglus, in case they decide to keep chickens, a “classic homeware” round-up for sparkling crystal stem ware, and top things off with a written demand for contributions to the honeymoon. Because the John Lewis couple’s average honeymoon costs almost £3,000, with the Maldives, Sri Lanka and Mauritius topping the wish list.Common on today’s wedding lists are a Sony 65” TV, a Nutribullet, and the Sonos music system. Some couples apparently “have two lists, one for the classic essentials and key investment items and the other for quirky, fun things” says the store’s gift buyer. Why stop at two? Maybe today’s couples should draw up one list of essential technology, one for fun eco-gifts like bee hives and Egglus, in case they decide to keep chickens, a “classic homeware” round-up for sparkling crystal stem ware, and top things off with a written demand for contributions to the honeymoon. Because the John Lewis couple’s average honeymoon costs almost £3,000, with the Maldives, Sri Lanka and Mauritius topping the wish list.
Iit should be a short list of affordable items, produced only on request, and should never include a request for moneyIit should be a short list of affordable items, produced only on request, and should never include a request for money
According to wedding site confetti.co.uk, a recent survey of brides found the majority thought “asking for money or contributions towards a trip is a perfect compromise”. I’m baffled as to how this is in any way a compromise. By asking for money, couples are piling pressure on guests to come up with an amount that doesn’t look mean, and robbing them of the basic pleasure of gift giving – as you’ve no idea how your cash will be used. Did you pay for the pre-flight breakfast at Jamie’s Deli, or is your £60 bung going towards her Brazilian wax? Perhaps you paid for 30% of the his and hers beach massage, or the optional turtle watching excursion – you’ll never know.According to wedding site confetti.co.uk, a recent survey of brides found the majority thought “asking for money or contributions towards a trip is a perfect compromise”. I’m baffled as to how this is in any way a compromise. By asking for money, couples are piling pressure on guests to come up with an amount that doesn’t look mean, and robbing them of the basic pleasure of gift giving – as you’ve no idea how your cash will be used. Did you pay for the pre-flight breakfast at Jamie’s Deli, or is your £60 bung going towards her Brazilian wax? Perhaps you paid for 30% of the his and hers beach massage, or the optional turtle watching excursion – you’ll never know.
“But we don’t need anything else,” they’ll say. And it’s true; when a couple are embarking on a second or third marriage and have been accumulating Bosch microwaves and Dualit toasters for decades, it would be ridiculous for them to demand more, like the Oliver Twists of white goods. In which case, they should ask for nothing. The whole point of a wedding list, as an evolution of the bridal trousseau, was to enable a young couple with very little money to set up a basic home and prepare for a family. When a couple have well-paid jobs and a home groaning with highly insured gadgets, asking for cash contributions on top seems nothing short of greedy.“But we don’t need anything else,” they’ll say. And it’s true; when a couple are embarking on a second or third marriage and have been accumulating Bosch microwaves and Dualit toasters for decades, it would be ridiculous for them to demand more, like the Oliver Twists of white goods. In which case, they should ask for nothing. The whole point of a wedding list, as an evolution of the bridal trousseau, was to enable a young couple with very little money to set up a basic home and prepare for a family. When a couple have well-paid jobs and a home groaning with highly insured gadgets, asking for cash contributions on top seems nothing short of greedy.
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Even couples who are just starting out should let their guests, who probably aren’t rolling in money either, buy what they want. As for the excuses – “well, we don’t want six toasters” – so what? If people are kind enough to buy toasters, take five back and spend the money on a set of cutlery.Even couples who are just starting out should let their guests, who probably aren’t rolling in money either, buy what they want. As for the excuses – “well, we don’t want six toasters” – so what? If people are kind enough to buy toasters, take five back and spend the money on a set of cutlery.
If couples must dictate with a list as long as an elite boarding school’s packing instructions – (“pure wool picnic blanket, two Global suitcases, (Size L), polycarbonate skis (two pairs”) they should also allow guests the luxury of veering off it. If they ask for a silver punch bowl and a Samsung flatscreen, and end up with a mug tree and a digital picture frame, tough. Because a wedding list should not be a competitive exercise requiring guests to scramble to bag the cheaper stuff- “oh God, there’s only the Lalique water jug left” – it should be a short list of affordable items, produced only on request, and it should never, ever, include a request for money. If you want a luxury honeymoon, save up. And if you want wedding presents, ask for a “free to a good home” kitten. Because ultimately, she gave us a lot more joy than a Nutribullet.If couples must dictate with a list as long as an elite boarding school’s packing instructions – (“pure wool picnic blanket, two Global suitcases, (Size L), polycarbonate skis (two pairs”) they should also allow guests the luxury of veering off it. If they ask for a silver punch bowl and a Samsung flatscreen, and end up with a mug tree and a digital picture frame, tough. Because a wedding list should not be a competitive exercise requiring guests to scramble to bag the cheaper stuff- “oh God, there’s only the Lalique water jug left” – it should be a short list of affordable items, produced only on request, and it should never, ever, include a request for money. If you want a luxury honeymoon, save up. And if you want wedding presents, ask for a “free to a good home” kitten. Because ultimately, she gave us a lot more joy than a Nutribullet.