Sketch: PMQs. Of course it's not meant to be a contest, but Jeremy Corbyn won.
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Version 0 of 1. Jeremy Corbyn doesn’t like competition. If it were up to Jeremy Corbyn, on school sports day all children from all over the world would come together to lift a giant spoon and carry a single giant egg towards a brighter future. So with apologies in advance for the inevitable offence and upset this will cause, but in the weekly Prime Minister’s Sharing of Thoughts and Ideas that stubbornly continues to disguise itself as gladiatorial combat, Jeremy Corbyn won. It was all a bit retro (and in that sense, Mr Corbyn was appropriately dressed for the occasion). The Leader of The Opposition asked the Prime Minister a series of questions concerning failed government policy, and the Prime Minister didn’t have an answer. “It is three years since the Government announced a policy of tax-free childcare. Can the Prime Minister tell us what the hold-up is?” Mr Corbyn asked him. “We are introducing the tax-free childcare,” David Cameron replied. “Along with the 30 hours of childcare, for everyone with three and four-year-olds, with a £6 billion commitment.” But this is the thing with free childcare for three and four-year olds. People tend to want it when their three and four-year olds are three and four years old. If your three and four-year olds are six and seven by the time they get their tax free childcare for three and four-year olds it may not be of that much use. Cameron carried on. “I am delighted that the Right Honourable Gentleman is helping me to promote Government policy. These are the sort of things you can do if you have a strong economy with a sound plan. If you are getting your deficit down and your economy is growing.” Except Mr Corbyn wasn’t promoting government policy, he was pointing out the fact that government policy isn’t actually happening. And despite the ‘strong economy’ which you imagine Mr Cameron talks to himself about in the mirror while shaving in the morning, the National Audit Office has reported, Mr Corbyn said: “That many childcare providers are not offering the new entitlement owing to insufficient funding.” On Cameron went: “We are able to do all those things because we have a strong and sound economy.” That’s right. We are able not to implement our policies due to a lack of funding because we have a strong economy. Still, he found a way to shoe-horn in his latest appalling pre-prepared ‘joke’, which we all know is what counts. Who is Labour’s newest economic advisor? “Mr Yanis Varoufakis, the Greek Finance Minister who left his economy in ruins. That is Labour’s policy in two words: Acropolis Now.” If the economy is so strong, would anyone object to the hiring of an even vaguely passable Prime Ministerial joke writer? We all have to listen to them after all. In the meantime, perhaps it’s time for the PM to think about applying some of the same determination to shoe-horning some of his manifesto commitments into law. |