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'Before he beat us every day, but now it is less': domestic violence in South Sudan 'Before he beat us every day, but now it is less': domestic violence in South Sudan
(7 months later)
Bakhita lifts her T-shirt to show her scars: crisscrossed weals snaking from the base of her neck to the bottom of her spine.Bakhita lifts her T-shirt to show her scars: crisscrossed weals snaking from the base of her neck to the bottom of her spine.
“My husband beat me for anything. This time he whipped me so badly I had to go to hospital. But when I came back he had another wife.”“My husband beat me for anything. This time he whipped me so badly I had to go to hospital. But when I came back he had another wife.”
Bakhita, 29, married young.Bakhita, 29, married young.
“I was 14 when my parents told me I must leave their home and go to a new place – my husband’s. The next day I left. Can you imagine? I had no idea how to keep a house or what was expected of a wife in marriage,” she says.“I was 14 when my parents told me I must leave their home and go to a new place – my husband’s. The next day I left. Can you imagine? I had no idea how to keep a house or what was expected of a wife in marriage,” she says.
She went to her husband’s parents for help. By this time she had three children. “They told me I could stay there and they would feed us but only if I did not deny my husband sex when he came to visit. Because of this I had three more children.”She went to her husband’s parents for help. By this time she had three children. “They told me I could stay there and they would feed us but only if I did not deny my husband sex when he came to visit. Because of this I had three more children.”
Related: 'Very, very severely malnourished': South Sudan's children on the brink | Nadene Ghouri
Eventually Bakhita’s husband abandoned her, leaving her dependent on her brother for support. “I am so unhappy because my brother forced my 15-year-old daughter to marry. I hear they treat her very badly and she is beaten. I am so sad. I tell my two youngest daughters every day I do not want this to happen to them. When they grow up my son will be responsible for them. I say to him, ‘Look at your father. Do not allow them to marry a man like him.’ My son will be my legacy.”Eventually Bakhita’s husband abandoned her, leaving her dependent on her brother for support. “I am so unhappy because my brother forced my 15-year-old daughter to marry. I hear they treat her very badly and she is beaten. I am so sad. I tell my two youngest daughters every day I do not want this to happen to them. When they grow up my son will be responsible for them. I say to him, ‘Look at your father. Do not allow them to marry a man like him.’ My son will be my legacy.”
This is not only a promise she’s made to herself and her children, it is a commitment she has made to the entire community of Mading Kantok, the remote home of semi-nomadic cattle traders belonging to the Dinka tribe in Warrap state, South Sudan.This is not only a promise she’s made to herself and her children, it is a commitment she has made to the entire community of Mading Kantok, the remote home of semi-nomadic cattle traders belonging to the Dinka tribe in Warrap state, South Sudan.
According to Joyce Patra, from the Organisation For Children’s Harmony, a local NGO, the only way a girl can avoid being married off early “is if her mother doesn’t disclose to the father that she has started menstruating. Girls have economic benefit attached to them because one girl can be married in exchange for 150 cows”.According to Joyce Patra, from the Organisation For Children’s Harmony, a local NGO, the only way a girl can avoid being married off early “is if her mother doesn’t disclose to the father that she has started menstruating. Girls have economic benefit attached to them because one girl can be married in exchange for 150 cows”.
Domestic violence is rife in South Sudan. The 2014 state of the world’s children report (pdf), published by the UN children’s agency, Unicef, says 79% of South Sudanese women believe a husband has the right to hit his wife.Domestic violence is rife in South Sudan. The 2014 state of the world’s children report (pdf), published by the UN children’s agency, Unicef, says 79% of South Sudanese women believe a husband has the right to hit his wife.
My wedding night felt like digging at the dry soilMy wedding night felt like digging at the dry soil
Bakhita is involved in an experimental project that has brought together 200 women and men to take part in 15 weeks of group discussions about rape, domestic violence and forced marriage. Participants also learn techniques for non-violent communication. At the end of the project, each person makes a promise.Bakhita is involved in an experimental project that has brought together 200 women and men to take part in 15 weeks of group discussions about rape, domestic violence and forced marriage. Participants also learn techniques for non-violent communication. At the end of the project, each person makes a promise.
Anjelina, 32, a mother of five, was married at 15 to a man twice her age who already had two wives. “I had no idea about sex. My wedding night felt like digging at the dry soil. I learned that if husbands want you to bring food or water you do it without complaining, even if you are heavy with pregnancy.”Anjelina, 32, a mother of five, was married at 15 to a man twice her age who already had two wives. “I had no idea about sex. My wedding night felt like digging at the dry soil. I learned that if husbands want you to bring food or water you do it without complaining, even if you are heavy with pregnancy.”
Anjelina’s promise is to help rape survivors in her community. “Rape is so common and is the big issue for me. We should not allow rape victims to suffer shame. I am really working on this.”Anjelina’s promise is to help rape survivors in her community. “Rape is so common and is the big issue for me. We should not allow rape victims to suffer shame. I am really working on this.”
Mayan Awak, the community engagement officer who led the discussions, says men beat their wives as a show of masculinity. “Since I was six years old I was taught this is how it is, so I couldn’t just say, ‘This is wrong. Stop it’. Instead we asked people to talk openly – whether they are a chief or a housewife. I asked them to say honestly, ‘What are the things that pain you?’Mayan Awak, the community engagement officer who led the discussions, says men beat their wives as a show of masculinity. “Since I was six years old I was taught this is how it is, so I couldn’t just say, ‘This is wrong. Stop it’. Instead we asked people to talk openly – whether they are a chief or a housewife. I asked them to say honestly, ‘What are the things that pain you?’
“When we talked like this people saw that many of the problems they had were because of gender violence. For example, in our community, raids to steal cattle from another village are common and raping women is always a part of the raiding. But then people take revenge and use rape as a weapon, so there is more rape and more conflict. And on it goes.”“When we talked like this people saw that many of the problems they had were because of gender violence. For example, in our community, raids to steal cattle from another village are common and raping women is always a part of the raiding. But then people take revenge and use rape as a weapon, so there is more rape and more conflict. And on it goes.”
Awak says that at first the women “were quiet, fearing they would be chased away if they spoke”, but by the end were confidently coming up with ideas such as having women sit on tribal courts. The latter process will soon be underway locally, if permission is granted from the ministry of social development.Awak says that at first the women “were quiet, fearing they would be chased away if they spoke”, but by the end were confidently coming up with ideas such as having women sit on tribal courts. The latter process will soon be underway locally, if permission is granted from the ministry of social development.
The men’s promises were along the lines of: “I will help my wife, I will cook, I will not beat my wife, I will wash the utensils.”The men’s promises were along the lines of: “I will help my wife, I will cook, I will not beat my wife, I will wash the utensils.”
For Masumi Yamashina, child protection and gender-based violence specialist at Unicef, which is supporting the project (pdf), these are small but significant changes. “In Warrap it was considered a sin for men to do any household work. When I went there last, I saw men pumping water in water points. That was unthinkable before. I hope it’s a model we can expand not only in South Sudan but in other countries where social norms are unfair to women and girls.”For Masumi Yamashina, child protection and gender-based violence specialist at Unicef, which is supporting the project (pdf), these are small but significant changes. “In Warrap it was considered a sin for men to do any household work. When I went there last, I saw men pumping water in water points. That was unthinkable before. I hope it’s a model we can expand not only in South Sudan but in other countries where social norms are unfair to women and girls.”
The project is being monitored through detailed interviews with participants. But it is hard to know just how meaningful the changes are. One man says his second wife is in her 30s because “it is right to marry an older woman”. His wife, however, says she is 16. But she does feel her husband is a changed man. “He is calmer. I really feel this. Before he beat us every day, but now it is less. I also watch him talking with other men in the community and I can see the way he behaves is different. He doesn’t get angry so easily.”The project is being monitored through detailed interviews with participants. But it is hard to know just how meaningful the changes are. One man says his second wife is in her 30s because “it is right to marry an older woman”. His wife, however, says she is 16. But she does feel her husband is a changed man. “He is calmer. I really feel this. Before he beat us every day, but now it is less. I also watch him talking with other men in the community and I can see the way he behaves is different. He doesn’t get angry so easily.”
For Awak, who now cooks at home – to the initial horror of his family – this is the overall goal. “Gender violence isn’t just about men and women, it is about an imbalance of power – and from that all violence comes. By starting with these changes at home, we will have a calmer and more peaceful community generally. This is what I want for future generations.”For Awak, who now cooks at home – to the initial horror of his family – this is the overall goal. “Gender violence isn’t just about men and women, it is about an imbalance of power – and from that all violence comes. By starting with these changes at home, we will have a calmer and more peaceful community generally. This is what I want for future generations.”