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Cheer up, love: only joyless people object to terms of endearment Cheer up, love: only joyless people object to terms of endearment
(35 minutes later)
A care home in Harrogate has been reprimanded by inspectors for addressing residents with terms of endearment such as sweetie, darling, handsome and love.A care home in Harrogate has been reprimanded by inspectors for addressing residents with terms of endearment such as sweetie, darling, handsome and love.
Skills 4 Living Centre’s home, Brackenly, which cares for up to 13 adults with learning disabilities, was criticised in a Care Quality Commission report, which said: “Although the language was meant to be friendly it could be regarded as demeaning and patronising.”Skills 4 Living Centre’s home, Brackenly, which cares for up to 13 adults with learning disabilities, was criticised in a Care Quality Commission report, which said: “Although the language was meant to be friendly it could be regarded as demeaning and patronising.”
Related: Sorry, love: Harrogate care home will use 'darling', despite CQC warningRelated: Sorry, love: Harrogate care home will use 'darling', despite CQC warning
When I moved back to the north of England two-and-a-half years ago, I realised I’d missed being addressed as “love” by total strangers during my London years. Sure, the Kurdish taxi drivers in Dalston always called me “darlin’”, however extensive their English vocabulary, but there’s no substitution for a “hiya, love!” in a broad northern accent. When I moved back to the north of England two-and-a-half years ago, I realised I’d missed being addressed as “love” by total strangers during my London years. Sure, the Kurdish taxi drivers in Dalston, east London, always called me “darlin’”, however extensive their English vocabulary, but there’s no substitution for a “hiya, love!” in a broad northern accent.
Everyone calls me “love” in Manchester. My colleague, Eric. Sir Howard Bernstein, the all-powerful chief executive of the city council. Enid, my 85-year-old neighbour. The man in the halal butcher at the end of my road and the Caribbean dudes selling curried goat from the Kool Runnings caravan round the corner. If Steffen, one of the press officers at Greater Manchester police, doesn’t call me “love” then I know I’m in GMP’s bad books again.Everyone calls me “love” in Manchester. My colleague, Eric. Sir Howard Bernstein, the all-powerful chief executive of the city council. Enid, my 85-year-old neighbour. The man in the halal butcher at the end of my road and the Caribbean dudes selling curried goat from the Kool Runnings caravan round the corner. If Steffen, one of the press officers at Greater Manchester police, doesn’t call me “love” then I know I’m in GMP’s bad books again.
It took me by surprise the first time I called up Bernstein and he addressed me thusly, but I’m now a bit disappointed if he uses my name. Despite his reputation for fearsome wheeler-dealing, I never feel he is calling me love in order to make me feel small. It’s just his way, like his insistence on always wearing a scarf indoors.It took me by surprise the first time I called up Bernstein and he addressed me thusly, but I’m now a bit disappointed if he uses my name. Despite his reputation for fearsome wheeler-dealing, I never feel he is calling me love in order to make me feel small. It’s just his way, like his insistence on always wearing a scarf indoors.
Earlier this year Mancunian Flic Everett argued that men often called women “love” to show contempt, but any term spouted with a snarl can have that effect. Personally, I hate being addressed formally. Plenty of times during court cases, barristers have snootily referred to me as Ms Pidd when I’ve tried to challenge reporting restrictions, which has the effect not of making me feel respected but spinsterish and somehow condescended. Earlier this year, Mancunian Flic Everett argued that men often called women “love” to show contempt, but any term spouted with a snarl can have that effect. Personally, I hate being addressed formally. Plenty of times during court cases, barristers have snootily referred to me as Ms Pidd when I’ve tried to challenge reporting restrictions, which has the effect not of making me feel respected but spinsterish and somehow condescended.
Working as a correspondent in Germany, where they still persist with two ways of saying “you” depending on the formality of the situation, I despaired at the widespread determination to refer to me as “Frau Pidd”. (One of my favourite questions to the agony aunt in the Süddeutsche Zeitung was from a man asking earnestly how many years he would have to be married before his father-in-law would offer him the informal “du” and they could move to first names).Working as a correspondent in Germany, where they still persist with two ways of saying “you” depending on the formality of the situation, I despaired at the widespread determination to refer to me as “Frau Pidd”. (One of my favourite questions to the agony aunt in the Süddeutsche Zeitung was from a man asking earnestly how many years he would have to be married before his father-in-law would offer him the informal “du” and they could move to first names).
The German language can be very satisfying — I delighted in terms like Muskelkater, literally “muscle hangover”, which describes that feeling you have the day after hard exercise. But despite having a term for “term of endearment” (Kosename) Germans are way too shy with them, saving Schatz (treasure) and Mausi (little mouse) for their loved ones and ramping up the Herr and Frau for everyone else. I’ll never forget Christoph Scheuerman, Spiegel’s London correspondent, telling me how startled he was to be addressed as “sunshine” shortly after his arrival in Britain. The German language can be very satisfying – I delighted in terms such as Muskelkater, literally “muscle hangover”, which describes that feeling you have the day after hard exercise. But despite having a term for “term of endearment” (Kosename) Germans are way too shy with them, saving Schatz (treasure) and Mausi (little mouse) for their loved ones and ramping up the Herr and Frau for everyone else. I’ll never forget Christoph Scheuerman, Spiegel’s London correspondent, telling me how startled he was to be addressed as “sunshine” shortly after his arrival in Britain.
Boarding buses in Sheffield as a post-grad student, I delighted in being called “duck” by the driver – and loved it even more when the burly man behind me in the queue was greeted in exactly the same terms. When I lived in Edinburgh, I liked “hen”. Back in Manchester, I’m just disappointed that the only person I’ve ever heard using “cock” as a term of endearment was Mark E Smith. Boarding buses in Sheffield as a postgrad student, I delighted in being called “duck” by the driver – and loved it even more when the burly man behind me in the queue was greeted in exactly the same terms. When I lived in Edinburgh, I liked “hen”. Back in Manchester, I’m just disappointed that the only person I’ve ever heard using “cock” as a term of endearment was Mark E Smith.
The sort of people who object to terms of endearment are what I think of as the boiled potato brigade. Joyless, humourless, the kind who say their favourite drink is water and don’t find Alan Partridge funny because he’s mean to his assistant, Lynn. To them I say simply: lighten up, love.The sort of people who object to terms of endearment are what I think of as the boiled potato brigade. Joyless, humourless, the kind who say their favourite drink is water and don’t find Alan Partridge funny because he’s mean to his assistant, Lynn. To them I say simply: lighten up, love.